[Week 5, Saturday: Mary]

[purrtagonist]

[the truth about what happened with Shin, Mary and Ichigo hurts. he aches for the loss of his partner and his second-in-command, but he also aches for Mary, manipulated into killing someone she had cared about so much]

[he aches knowing that Shin was so consumed by his hatred that so many people were hurt in his quest for revenge]

[and so, of course, when the trial ends? Akira looks for her]

Mary?

Comments

[withsadness]

[Mary wants to shy away from him--after everything that happened, her biggest impulse is to run away. But especially for all that he did and said, all that he was willing to do, to make sure that she stayed alive...she owes him more than that. So she wipes her face on her sleeve and holds her ground.]

Yes?

[purrtagonist]

[it hurts to see her crying. truthfully, no part of him blames her for what happened. no part of him ever could. and he thinks he knows, deep down, that Ichigo doesn't blame her, either]

How much do you like ice cream?

[a rough weekend means they need to like, decompress, with something nice and sweet]

[withsadness]

I like ice cream...the most of all!

[Does she deserve ice cream? Maybe if she was a bit older she'd feel like it's inappropriate to have some, but...she's not. She's a child. Ice cream is always good. So with only a slight hesitation, she reaches for Akira's hand. They can walk together.]

Maybe just one scoop this time.

[purrtagonist]

Just one scoop?

[he takes her hand gently in his own, so they can walk to ~Mint to Be~ together]

That's some pretty impressive restraint. I don't think I could eat any less than two.

[he jokes. he isn't much of a sweets person, and that includes ice cream]

[withsadness]

Okay, maybe two.

[What's restraint? Mary starts to smile, but the brightness is just a brief flicker across her face as she squeezes his hand more tightly.]

You really don't mind being my friend?

[purrtagonist]

Of course I don't.

[that answer is quick, at least. and although the next part dances on the tip of his tongue-- but I can't be friends with Shin-- he holds it back]

I don't blame you for what happened.

[I blame Shin]

[withsadness]

I do.

[But that probably goes without saying. She's hardly stopped beating herself up over it since Assassin killed himself.]

Maybe things could've been different if I was smarter or less afraid.

[purrtagonist]

[. . .]

[her feelings echo his own. and perhaps that's why he felt like he couldn't blame her entirely for what happened. because. . . he understands that guilt]

I blame myself, too.

[god. does he]

Because maybe-- maybe he wouldn't have hated me so much had I been smarter and stronger, too.

[strong enough to circumvent his role. to avoid having to Erase anyone]

[withsadness]

I think he would have ended up hating somebody no matter what happened. It just ended up being you...and that was bad for everybody.

[He as such a volatile person. She loved him, but he was. People didn't see him the way he was with her in private, so gentle, almost nurturing. But she wasn't blind to the way that he was in public, either. She just chose to see only the parts that she wanted.]

I wasn't thinking about who it was going to hurt, only about how it would make him happy.

[purrtagonist]

[Akira may not have seen that part of him, but he wouldn't deny that it exists. in his experiences, people can have multiple facets. their beautiful sides. . . and their ugly ones]

[but what isn't forgivable is--]

He used you.

[he says that quietly, and there's something strained in his words. he's so tired of watching adults take advantage of trusting kids like Mary. it reminds him of Ann and Kamoshida, of Yusuke and Madarame]

He used you. . . in a way that friends and family shouldn't use people.

[withsadness]

...I guess I wouldn't know.

[All she wanted, all she could think about, was having a father, so nothing else had mattered. Not even if he'd completely turned her against everyone or turned himself against her to achieve his goals.]

Every time I think I find someone who will be my family, they go away.

[purrtagonist]

[. . . oh]

[she puts it like that, and his heart goes out to her. he understands, now, why she was so intent on doing things that would make Assassin happy]

I'm sorry.

[as much as he hates Shin for what he did to Makoto and Ichigo and Mary, he does understand that his loss must be hard on the latter]

That must make things very lonely.

[withsadness]

Sometimes.

[A lot of times. Except for the times that she distracts herself. It's easy to forget you're alone when you're around other people...it's just when they go away you remember the way things always end up.]

I was hoping I would see my father again when I died, but maybe it's because we're so different that he wasn't there with me.

[Hmm...]

Did I ever ask you about your family, Akira?

[purrtagonist]

[ah. . . her father. his instinct is to ask about him, too. but she beats him to the punch, and he has to pause]

You didn't.

[and another pause, to choose his words carefully, to help her understand without making her feel guilty for what happened]

I didn't really have one for a long time. But then I found Makoto and Yusuke, and a bunch of other people who aren't here. We were all alone, and we all needed some place to belong.

So we flocked together. And we all became family to each other.

[withsadness]

Oh...

[She didn't know Makoto was Akira's family. She didn't know much at all about Makoto, outside of Assassin saying that killing her would hurt him. Even though Akira said it so gently, she looks down at the ground as they walk slowly side-by-side.]

You were alone for a really long time? Being alone is really terrible.

[purrtagonist]

It is.

[if he were to describe it, he'd call it. . . endless darkness, stretching before him like the ocean, something in which he was drowning and could find no purchase from which to escape. not until Ryuji, anyway. not until the Phantom Thieves]

But even if Shin is gone, Mary. . . I don't want you to think you're alone. There are still people here who care about you.