[Day 15, afternoon: Akechi]

[purrtagonist]

[Ichigo sleeps the day away. and honestly, Akira almost does, too. but at some point he manages to disentangle himself from his napping buddy to sneak out and pull a certain someone aside, right into an empty classroom]

[once they're there? Akira leans his shoulder against a wall, crutch tucked underneath one arm, back facing Akechi]

I need your help.

Comments

[afailedmurder]

...

It's best not to focus on that.

[purrtagonist]

[. . .]

Yeah, probably not.

[best not to think about how she has shown him her weaker, more desperate sides. how she had fallen to her knees in tears, begging him to kill her the last killing night, to create a mystery for this mysterious god who created her, who could send her back to oblivion with a snap of their fingers]

[best not to think about how she's absolutely a Confidant at this point and it's totally in bad taste to murder your Confidants]

But, anyway. . . thank you, Akechi.

[afailedmurder]

Mm. If you need more advice, don't hesitate to find me.

[don't chicken out, Kurusu]

Aside from checking in on Saihara, I don't have much else to do today.

[purrtagonist]

[he won't!! once he decides to do something, he doesn't change his mind]

[he might cry a lot afterwards, though. sorry in advance for those feelings]

Neither do I. I'm going to spend most of it sleeping.

[hesitation]

Akechi--

[afailedmurder]

Yes?

[purrtagonist]

How did you. . . [gestures. with his free hand]

Cope? Afterwards.

[afailedmurder]

Not very well, clearly.

[laughs to himself, then shakes his head]

No, sorry, that's not helpful. But I don't think I'm qualified to advise you here, since I took more of... let's say a "boiling the frog" approach to morality. Early on, I only targeted those who had hurt me; bullies, teachers, foster parents. When I ran out of those, I went after those who were harming others. Then it was anyone who would help my career, then those who would get me closer to Shido. I never felt guilty.

[he looks a little guilty, though, shrugging slightly]

By the time I was actually killing people, I'd already caused so much carnage that I didn't feel anything.

[purrtagonist]

[It will only change who you are if you let it.]

[out of everything Akechi's said, that's resonated with Akira the most. and now, he kind of sees why. because when it comes down to it, he doesn't want to be that person who slowly descends into killing without feeling anything. if he can feel remorse, or pain, or sympathy, then. . . then doesn't that at least mean he's managing to hold onto the person he always thought he was?]

[even so, he doesn't really miss that flicker of guilt in Akechi's expression, and he capitalizes on it to sway the conversation away from himself (and his own questionably moral choices) and back to Akechi]

How do you feel about it all now? Now that everything is said and done.

[afailedmurder]

I have a number of regrets.

[He doesn't want to give a name to them. It's hard to talk about these things so far away from the Metaverse, the only place he ever knew true power and confidence, and in a conversation that he doesn't intend to end with a fight to the death.]

...You know, I was furious when the Phantom Thieves first appeared. That dirtbag teacher, he was your first, wasn't he? After one try, you'd done something I never managed after years of hard work. I think on some level, your existence forced me to question what I was doing.

Not that it matters. At the end of the day, I'm the type to double down even when I know I'm wrong.

[purrtagonist]

We had Morgana. We had the benefit of something you didn't: guidance.

[what the heck would they have done without Morgana's guidance? it's a mystery, but considering how clueless they were about that world. . . Akira can't imagine it having ended well]

And being able to acknowledge that flaw is, at least, a step in the right direction. You realize that, right?

[afailedmurder]

[hmphs]

Not particularly. I've always been rather self-critical.

[purrtagonist]

Self-critical and stubborn.

[as though Akechi needs a reminder]

I guess advising you to "be less stubborn" isn't very helpful.

[afailedmurder]

...My stubbornness has already given way too, you know.

[purrtagonist]

I know.

[. . . shrugs]

Probably a lot more than mine has, all things considered.

[afailedmurder]

I had nothing left to lose. In some ways, that makes things easier.

[purrtagonist]

[blinks at him for a bit, slowly, processing, as though he's realizing something for the first time]

. . . we really are complete opposites. . .

[afailedmurder]

[cocks his head to the side]

Are we? Here I was starting to think that we're rather alike.

[purrtagonist]

In stubbornness. In our want for justice. For a place to belong in the world.

[ain't gonna deny that]

But not in the way we've responded to this place. You've made friends.

I'm about to make a corpse.

[S. . . SO]

[afailedmurder]

You've made more friends than I have, and I'll be an accomplice in making a corpse. Is that really so far off?

[purrtagonist]

[a snort]

Got me there.

[still, he feels like Akechi's at least improved since he got here. but as for Akira himself? he feels like he's gone nowhere but down. and when he thinks about it that way, he can't help but wonder, a bit sardonically, if the universe had always designed for their fates to be inverted like this]

[. . .]

[maybe he's putting too much thought into it. fuck the universe]

Speaking of friends-- [SUBJECT CHANGE] -- I told you Shuichi liked you.

[afailedmurder]

[look man, he's been trying to tell you about the universe the whole time]

I needed to hear him say it.

[purrtagonist]

[FUCK THE UNIVERSE!!]

I'm glad he did.

[afailedmurder]

[there are about a hundred million sincere things he could say on this topic. he doesn't say any of them]

Poor thing. Everyone is bullying him now.

[purrtagonist]

[there has been enough sincerity in this conversation already]

He made it so easy that I almost felt kind of bad.

[afailedmurder]

I wasn't going to say a word, but he's simply too easy to read.

It's cute, but I hope it doesn't come back to bite him.