Akira "chaotic extra" Kurusu [Jᴏᴋᴇʀ] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
purrtagonist) wrote2018-03-11 06:41 pm
purrtagonist) wrote2018-03-11 06:41 pm
Entry tags:
[Week 0, Sunday post-execution: Ichigo]
[Akira returns to the hotel room long before Ichigo does. he spends a good portion of the evening sitting on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, taking swigs from a bottle of chocolate milk purchased from the vending machine (finding an appropriate substitute for coffee was hard, but hey, he was trying). much like their arrival, everything that had occurred this weekend-- Utena's murder, the trial, the execution of Maya and Anthy alongside the culprit-- had blown by Akira so fast that he barely had time to process it all]
[it was a good thing he was well-practiced in keeping his cool. but now that things had calmed down? he could really let it all sink in. and letting it sink in just allows him to ruminate on how much everything makes his blood boil]
[when Ichigo returns, Akira has placed his now-empty bottle of milk on his nightstand, alongside his folded-up pair of glasses]
Yo.
[he greets with a wave of his hand. and then? he flops over on his bed, arms folded underneath his head]
[it was a good thing he was well-practiced in keeping his cool. but now that things had calmed down? he could really let it all sink in. and letting it sink in just allows him to ruminate on how much everything makes his blood boil]
[when Ichigo returns, Akira has placed his now-empty bottle of milk on his nightstand, alongside his folded-up pair of glasses]
Yo.
[he greets with a wave of his hand. and then? he flops over on his bed, arms folded underneath his head]
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So when he steps in, it's not a surprise that Akira's there before him - because he...just needed to walk for a while, around this stupid place they're all trapped in, still playing this goddamn game they all have to.]
...Hey.
[He follows Akira's example, flopping bodily on his own bed on his back, staring up at the ceiling for a moment before looking over at Akira.]
...Do you - do you want to, uh...talk tonight, or should we both just try to get some sleep?
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[he lets out a soft snort]
Nobody can ever sleep when someone asks if they want to talk about something serious, Ichigo.
[he's being wry]
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Oi, is it that obvious?
[Probably. He knows he has a hard time hiding how he's feeling to anyone who gets to know him - it's just a trait of his, just like having bright hair or brown eyes is.]
...I guess...it's all just sinking in for me now, though. This whole Game, I mean.
[Hearing that people are going to die is a lot different from watching it happen and arguing among yourselves who the killer is, definitely. His smile fades, and he stares back up at the ceiling, away from Akira.]
...I just....how the hell is a game like this supposed to prove anything?
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[coupled with Akira just being good at reading people in general. as Ichigo speaks, Akira rolls over onto his side, propping his head up with one hand]
[that final question may be rhetorical, but. . .]
. . . hell if I know.
[he spits out an answer anyway, a frown cutting through his features, gaze hardening]
It feels less like we're here earning a "second chance" and more like we're pawns of some game being played for entertainment. Doesn't it?
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...Yeah, I've heard that before.
[Which might not be the best, especially in a game like this, where so much relies on what you keep and what you don't keep from people.
But Akira's answer does make a lot of sense to him, and Ichigo nods - even though the thought of it makes him a little sick.]
It does. Hell, this whole thing is even called a Game, isn't it? Just a weird hide and seek version, or something like that. Some Game where we're all made to distrust each other even though trust is the most important part of it.
[He sighs.]
...I don't...I don't know why Himemiya didn't pair with Maya. Did she feel that responsible over Utena's death?
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[heh. he likes that. it cuts through some of his tension, lets it out easily like a deflating balloon. it isn't enough to get him to smile, though. things are too serious for that]
I have a feeling I might know. [based. on his conversation with Anthy right after Utena was found dead] I think it's less that she felt responsible, and more that she believed she served no further purpose once Utena was gone.
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...
[...It's not like he doesn't know how that feels. That was part of his decision to become the Soul King - because with everyone he cared for dead, what purpose did he have? He was someone who couldn't protect the people he cared about, the ones closest to him - so he'd made the decision out of that sheer desperation.
So yes, he can understand Anthy's choice, but...
At the same time...
he still remembers holding Maya as she sniffled into his chest, and his heart feels like it's being twisted.]
I...I get it, but....that's...it's too selfish.
Maya deserved to live, and if she didn't think she served a purpose, then...keeping Maya alive could've been her purpose.
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[he may have some strong feelings about Anthy and her self-worth, god]
But even beyond that. Even if someone had killed Hawthorne and they had paired together, who would we have voted for?
Maya and Himemiya deserved to live, but so does everyone else. As judged by my own personal values, not by whatever criteria we're supposed going to be judged with when we reach the end of this thing.
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He nods, slowly - Although part of him wants to point out that there are other reapers out there, others that will be looking to kill them, that aren't looking for those second chances -
But he doesn't say anything, because he can't. And more than that, he shouldn't dash Akira's own thoughts and hopes.]
...Yeah. I - I'd want everyone to live, too.
[And he's so glad he's facing the ceiling, because his eyes always, always give away what he's thinking, no matter what.]
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[. . .]
[even so. . . even if Ichigo isn't looking at him, Akira is enough of a people-reader to sense some hesitancy in his voice]
Ichigo?
[he props himself up on his elbow, turning to face his partner]
What're you thinking about?
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Even if it makes Akira think about things he'd rather not.]
...The Reapers.
[It's quiet, but there.]
Do you think they deserve a second chance, too?
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[now that's a question, isn't it? the only sneak peek they have into the reapers is Dahlia, and Max saying that reapers were "usually sadists." and even then, the qualifier of "usually" is something Akira hasn't ignored. he doesn't answer immediately, because he needs time to gather his thoughts]
[death was never justice for Akira. that's why they didn't kill Kamoshida, Madarame, Kaneshiro, Okumura. even executing someone like Dahlia left a bad taste in Akira's mouth. but did the reapers deserve a second chance?]
[. . .]
If I had it my way, everyone would get their second chance-- reaper, and normal person alike. [he continues on slowly] But finding the reapers is the quickest way to end this game, with the least amount of casualties.
I'm not god. [and he doesn't want to be] I can't judge someone on the weight of their sins and determine whether they "deserve" anything.
But I do know that I don't want to erase anyone while I'm here. Normal person, or reaper, alike.
[it isn't really an answer to the question. but that's because he doesn't have one yet]
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It's a deeper, more thoughtful one than he expected, because at this point, wouldn't most people want to just off all the reapers? But at the same time, even though he's only known Akira for a while...Akira is definitely someone who thinks things over in his head before responding to things.
But...Will that answer change, in time? And what's Ichigo's own answer to the question he just asked?
...He doesn't know.]
...I don't want to erase anyone either.
[His answer is quiet, but firm.]
...Thank you, Akira. For answering, I mean. Because, it's just....
[...]
I don't think all Reapers will be like Dahlia was. And regardless of what we do, we're going to have to carry the blood of the people we accuse on our hands.
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[Ichigo's answer is equally as complicated, equally as thoughtful as Akira's. and it touches on some things he has quietly acknowledged and accepted]
We are.
[he never for an instant thought their hands were clean]
But for now, the only thing we can do is keep looking for them. And once we have them all, maybe we can figure out a better way.
[. . .]
That's the answer I'm striving for.
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[That's genuine, at the very least - And he smiles a little, although it's weak.]
...Mind if I use it, for now? I think...It'll help me stay focused on the important things here.
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[that's genuine too, and a smile of his own appears on Akira's features]
I haven't copyrighted it yet, after all. It's free for public use.
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But it leaves as quickly as it came, back to the normal smile as he closes his eyes.]
That's good. Glad you're not greedy.
[He chuckles a little, and then -]
We should - both get some sleep soon, I think. It's been one hell of a long day.
[A long day watching people die, that is.]
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. . .
Here's to finding a way to make it our last.
[he says that, and he means it, but]
[he knows it won't be]