purrtagonist | [Week 1, Saturday: Setz]

The question then—to go along with that theory—is what kind of actions the Composer would appreciate most.

Someone who would do whatever it takes to survive, or someone who would stand by their morals first and foremost?

[and at that? he gives a helpless shrug]

We don't know anything about the Composer. How can we answer that?

... In a way, it'd almost be easier if they were openly sadistic. At least then we'd probably have a good read on how they think.

Except that'd probably mean that the "winners" would be the most bloodthirsty people here, so. . .

[trails off]

[THAT IS A BAD END]

[He presses a hand against his head. Right...]

... Well, yeah. There's really no good case for us here.

Of course not. This is what being a pawn feels like.

[:/]

[... Yeah. A pawn while alive, a pawn while dead, huh?]

I guess, if nothing else, it's for the best that we're aware of it from the start, instead of naively believing this to be an amazing opportunity.

[a stepping stone for a powerful, corrupt politician and a pawn. they make quite the pair]

[dryly]

An amazing and once-in-a-dead-lifetime opportunity that you just can't pass up, am I right?

We almost literally can't pass it up. I suppose that's the other incentive to having partners: to ensure participation in this game.

[a snort]

Right. Because if we go down, then our partners go with us. And that's just shitty.

Mm.

[Setz falls silent, looking up (at the ceiling or sky or WHATEVER IS ABOVE THEIR HEADS, and...]

... Akira, if you don't mind me asking... what do you have to come back to life for?

[WHEREVER THEY ARE. . .]

[. . .]

That's an awfully personal question.

[it isn't a refusal to answer, but his response is purposefully level]

... It is. I'm sorry. I was just... wondering.

It's all right.

[it isn't really a secret, and he has told people other than Setz already]

Have you read the cause of death on my profile?

... Shot by a traitor?

Mmm.

[he jabs a thumb to his forehead, almost casually]

During a mission in which I was trying to protect my team-- my friends.

[his family]

. . . I let them down. I have to go back and fix that.

[... It's strange to think about, how that should strike a chord but doesn't quite. Still, even without that...

Setz's expression softens.]

I'm sorry. [...] For their sake and yours, I hope you get to go back—and keep them safe.

Thanks.

[if Setz is paying attention to his expression, there's a sudden steely quality to his gaze. he seems unnaturally focused, something strong and determined flickering behind the grays of his irises]

I have to survive. Not for my sake, but theirs.

. . . I have to make it back.

[his survival has never been about himself. it has always been about others]

[Oh, he sees it.]

... Yeah, you do. [...] Anyone thinks caring about others is ridiculous has obviously never met someone like you.

[It's reassuring.]

Caring about others is a strength.

[he says that firmly. because in his experience? that's always the way that it's been. Confidants, you know?]

And the world would be a better place if everyone saw that. [even if he has no grand, naive delusions that the world will ever be that way] What about you, Setz?

What are you trying to return to?

[fair is fair, isn't it]

[Fair is fair. With that said, Setz is quiet for a long while. And then, simply,]

To be frank, I'm not sure.

[Akira interprets that response the only way he knows how, based on the things he's learned from the other people here]

Lost memories?

[He shakes his head.]

A... lot of things happened just before I died. Things I thought changed in a way I wasn't expecting, I'm not really sure what was happening to the world—things like that.

[. . . huh. it's vague, but Akira can parse what Setz is saying. a sudden shift in his worldview. . . right? or something similar]

Do you want to talk about it?

... I'm not sure how interesting it is.

[How much it matters to anyone but Setz.]

That's okay. It doesn't have to be.

[he's a good listener]

[...

He's quiet for a long while. It's strange to think of talking about this to anyone, seeing as how he hasn't really had the time to come to grips with it himself. Not out of any regret, as he wouldn't take it back, but... well, he died so soon after it all happened—before he had the chance to live with his choices.

Finally, with perhaps an unnatural calmness, as if he's discussing a fight with a friend or some such,]

The man you'd normally call my father tried to kill me, so I told him I no longer considered him a part of my life.

[... That's one piece of the mess, anyway.]

[holy shit]

[Akira isn't sure what he had expected, but that? that's a bit of a shock. but only for a few seconds that it takes for the news to sink in, because when Akira really thinks about it? as sad as it might be, most of his friends from home dealt with bad situations where they were hurt or taken advantage of by parents or authority figures]

[and that fucking sucks]

[Akira frowns, eyes hardening, gaining a steely quality]

No one can-- or should-- blame you for feeling that way. Not if he tried to kill you.

[Surprise flickers across Setz's face, as if he hadn't quite expected Akira to agree with his decision. He doesn't know what he expected, really, but support is rarely it.]

... Thank you. [He lets out a breath, halfway to a sigh.] It's... good to know I wasn't just being "childish" for not having my priorities straight, as he put it. I've never looked back, but...

[How to put it...]

His word was law to me. I suppose now, I'm recalibrating how I should see things. [...] So for anything callous I've said or might say down the line, I apologize. He... was a heavy influence on my life.

[And Setz can't deny that in some ways, he turned out unnervingly similar to the man.]

Deciding to cut someone harmful out of your life-- family or not-- isn't childish.

[some things in life are thicker than blood ties, and that's something Akira knows from experience]

It's difficult, but even if I don't know the full details, it sounds like you did the right thing.

[and as for the second part. . .?]

Don't worry, though. You haven't said anything callous to me.

[There are definitely things thicker than blood. Setz just wishes he'd realized that in time.]

He was a terrible person in a lot of ways. Even if it hadn't been for... that, the fact that he was willing to let everyone in the world die for his own selfishness would've been a deal-breaker.

[Which, in some ways, makes it hurt all the worse. To know it wasn't even personal; that Setz was an absolute nobody in his eyes.]

I should've stood up to him a long time ago, instead of turning a blind eye. That's my regret to live with now. [...] But it's why I won't make the same mistake here.

[god, Akira is more than familiar in dealing with these kinds of situations. isn't this exactly how Ann felt about Kamoshida? Yusuke, about Madarame?]

Don't worry about the things you "should have" done, Setz.

[he's saying that firmly; apparently, this topic is something close to his heart]

What matters is that you finally did what you needed to do. And saying you won't make the same mistake here means you're looking forward. Just like you should be.

[It's hard not to think of the what ifs. As if looking over the memories of his life, he sees moments—from early childhood, to shortly before his death—in which he wonders: had he done something differently, would he have been a happier, better person?

Still, Akira is right. Isn't that why his ability is what it is (or, well, was)? To grow and to survive...]

... Yeah. I... I don't know if I have anything to go back to—if there's anything waiting for me.

But it doesn't matter. As long as you're alive, you can do better. I believe in that.

And that's right.

[honestly. that's something Akira wholeheartedly believes]

As long as you're alive, you can grown and change and be a better person.

I don't doubt that, when you return home-- [when. it's always "when," with Akira] -- you'll manage to find your way again.

... Thank you. I appreciate it.

[Not many people have that kind of faith in him—at least, not so explicitly—and it's... well, it sparks something warm in him, so he means it.]

[and Akira means what he says, too. this is what he does best, after all. provide support. words of comfort and encouragement. especially to people who have had problems with adults like Setz]

Anytime. I know we don't know each other very well, but-- [a shrug] I like to help.

[Week 1, Saturday: Setz]

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