purrtagonist | [Week 1, Sunday: Ichigo]

[of course Akira is still chasing him. and once he sees Ichigo curled up on one of the display beds, head tucked against the pillow like he's trying to make himself invisible, he slows down to a trot. his expression softens, empathy in every line of his features, as he steps forward and takes a seat on the edge of the bed]

Hey.

[he doesn't reach out, but he makes sure he's close, so Ichigo can feel his presence]

Don't be like this. Talk to me, please.

[He knows Akira's there - his instincts are still honed, despite everything - and for a long moment he doesn't speak, wrapping his arms around himself tighter.

But then, eventually -]

He became a reaper for his friends. So that they could go back and get their second chance, and -

[He makes a soft noise, something that isn't quite a whine or a sob or a groan, but some sort of mix of all of them.]

- I thought - I thought I was prepared. That the Reapers, they...they knew what they were getting into, and they chose this kind of thing, but I...

[He swallows hard, and tries not to remember that day, Ichibei's words to him.

'Do you want to save those you still have left?']

...Akira...What about now? Do you still think the same about Reapers?

Edited 2018-03-19 03:01 (UTC)

[it's awfully tempting, to lay his hand on Ichigo's shoulder, touch gentle but grounding. he even reaches out, fingers hovering in the air, only hesitating at the last moment as he realizes he isn't sure exactly how much Ichigo covets his personal space]

[his hand drops back to his lap, and he exhales deeply]

No.

[after observing Terra, as compared to Dahlia, there's no way he can think the same]

I think they deserve a second chance just as much as the rest of us.

[and if the others were like Terra, selfless in their motivations and in it to protect their friends. . .?]

And I don't think they deserve to die any more than we do.

[He's silent again, quietly letting that sink in.

They deserve a second chance, and they don't deserve to die...

He'd want that. God, would he want that - especially if there are more reapers like Terra, who didn't do it for power or personal gain, but for the people they cared about, and their partners in this game.]

I...I wish -

[He cuts himself off, giving a small groan as he somehow manages to curl in on himself more, practically a ball on the bed.]

...I shouldn't wish. Wishes are useless here, and there's nothing good that can come from any of this.

[Bitterness rises in his tone, harsh and sharp, before he can even stop himself from speaking.]

I wonder if someone he trusted told him that it was for everyone's good, too? And he thought it was the only thing he could do because he'd failed at everything else?

[...

This isn't about Terra anymore, is it?]

Edited 2018-03-19 03:32 (UTC)

Don't wish.

[he responds, but he's keeping his voice gentle. there's a time for Joker's firm steadiness, and a time for Akira's quiet kindness. this? this is latter]

Don't wish, and instead make whatever it is happen with your own two hands.

[he gives that advice, not knowing how Ichigo intended to finish that sentence. and at the question he asks about Terra, Akira's eyes slip shut. because he can't answer that question for Terra, but he knows. . . he knows]

[that's how Ichigo feels about his own situation, isn't it?]

You aren't Terra-san.

[he continues]

Terra-san's choices are nothing like your own, and you shouldn't compare yourself to him. He did what he felt he had to do, and so did we, at the end of the trial.

I can't do that, either. If I could make that wish happen with my own two hands, then...none of us would be here.

[He finally uncurls a little, to stare at his own two hands - hands and arms that were given back to him when he woke up here, arms and hands he thought he'd never have again.]

I know I'm not him. But he managed to actually save his friends. And it's because he felt like he had to do it that I can't - I can't -

[...

He's shaking.]

I fucking accused him in public, because I thought it was the right thing to do, and if he was just doing what he had to, I'm - I'm just as bad as-!

[He cuts himself off again, pressing his face into the pillow, trying desperately not to break down in front of his own partner.]

.....

[a hand drops on his shoulder. a firm touch to stop the shaking, to try and anchor Ichigo back to reality]

What else could you have done? Could any of us have done? He was guilty, and had you not accused him, then Noctis-san might have been erased instead.

[he isn't saying that Noctis's life is worth more than Terra's. that's obviously not true at all. but Terra was actually guilty, whereas Noctis was not. and although the distinction feels so small, so insignificant, to someone who wants to save everyone. . . Akira makes it. for Ichigo's sake]

Everything about this game sucks. Everything about it is unfair, on both sides. Don't blame yourself, because in the end? You you aren't responsible for Terra-san's actions or the way the rest of us voted.

[He stops shaking at the touch - breath stilling in his throat all at once, because -

He didn't expect to be touched. He has been, throughout these two weeks, of course - but not in such a steadying motion, not with the intent to help him. It shocks him enough to listen - to really listen - to what Akira's saying, and...

It touches something deep inside of him, something he's been trying to hold back so deeply. Don't blame yourself, it was unfair to begin with, on both sides. It's true, but it wasn't something he let himself believe, because if he did, then he'd have to face up to the fact that he will, eventually, have to see more people that he cared about die without being able to do anything about it, helpless and adrift.

The choked noise he makes might be a little alarming, but it's easily forgotten as he quickly flips over and reaches out for Akira, fingers digging into his shirt as he presses as close as he can to his partner and lets himself finally cry.]

A...Akira...!

[That's all he manages to get out before he weeps openly and brokenly like a small child - like the way he did years and years ago, during a stormy june night.]

[ah. there it is]

[despite having seen this coming, Akira still stiffens at the contact. not because it's uncomfortable-- on the contrary, it's anything but, and in this very moment he wants nothing more than to take every shitty thing about this game and shove it right up the Composer's ass. but because this level of open contact, this level of raw emotion, dropped right onto his shoulder and soaking through his shirt, is a bit overwhelming]

[two weeks. it's been two weeks. and Ichigo already trusts him this much?]

[he exhales deeply, wraps his arms around Ichigo's shoulders and pulls him flush against his chest. he drops his chin on his shoulder, hand already drawing soothing patterns against his partner's spine]

I'm here.

[he's here]

I've got you.

[It may have only been two weeks, but for the people who Ichigo places his trust in, it's firm and absolute - a trust and loyalty that will not break, no matter what.

But more than that, it was Akira's actions and words that got Ichigo to this point - his honesty and support that allowed Ichigo to finally let go for once and let himself grieve - not just for Terra, not just for the lives that have already been lost and those that will be in the coming weeks, but for the whole situation that forced him here, for the people he can no longer remember and the very fact that they were stripped away from his very memories as a fee for this second chance that he never asked for.

He grieves for himself, for everyone there, for his memories, his lost world, and for Akira himself, clinging to his partner like a drowning man to a rock - holding on like it's the only thing that'll ground him and keep him from being swept away by the current of his own sorrow and regret.

He cries and cries until he can't anymore, and Akira's shirt is soaked through with all the tears he's held in until now, breaths hiccuping and shoulders heaving as he slowly winds down.]

...Sorry.

[It's muffled against Akira's body, but he still apologizes - for showing this moment of weakness, for staining his shirt with tears and grossness, for making Akira worry about him when he shouldn't have had to. A small bitter part of himself says that he shouldn't have done this, should have just kept pretending like everything was fine - but it was just all too much to keep in anymore, and he knows it.]

...Your shirt's...all messed up now, right...?

[it was too much, and Akira prefers Ichigo let it all out rather than keep it in. this way. . . it's cathartic. this way, it's healthy. this way? Ichigo can start healing and looking forward]

[his shirt is soaked through. he can feel the wet patches sticking to his skin. but he finds he doesn't mind, and his fingers don't stop their idle wanderings against Ichigo's back and shoulders]

It's okay. It'll dry.

[and maybe eventually he'll find a store he likes well enough to buy a new outfit from]

Feeling better?

[Healing? That's a little ironic, considering what his psyche is...but he slowly nods once his emotional settle a little, sniffing in that absolutely gross way one does when they've been crying really hard.]

...A little.

[Akira is warm and there, and the feeling of the hand on his back is incredibly soothing - much like a long-ago embrace from the person he wanted to protect most of all.

But who was that? Who was that person that he cared for so much, and who's loss changed his world so completely?

...Ah. That's right.

Maybe he shouldn't be doing this. After all -

Ichigo sits up, suddenly - pulling away and wiping his face on his jacket, not making eye contact.]

You, uh - you shouldn't. Get close to me.

...The last people who did...died.

[Akira lets his arms fall from Ichigo's back, allows him to sit up easily with no resistance. he watches his partner scrub at his face, staring anywhere but at him, and his first response is. . . a joke]

Technically we're all already dead.

[JUST SAYING. but his next reply is more serious]

But it's okay.

[he's still wearing that smile, gentle as it is, but not in any way that could be interpreted as weak. there's something behind it, something firm and unwavering]

I'm not afraid of death anymore.

[Not afraid of death anymore...

Despite everything, that one line makes Ichigo laugh, however faintly.]

...Bold thing to say to a Shinigami, you know.

[How is it? That Akira can make him feel...well, better? And so consistently? He's starting to wonder if there was any real logic behind their team up, because - well, they seem to work so well. Or was it really just random chance that they were next to each other when they woke up?

He doesn't know. But...Akira being so unafraid, even despite Ichigo's warning? It makes him feel...

...Both bad and good at the same time. Good, because, well, even knowing the things he does, he still wants to stay by Ichigo, and bad, because...

Ichigo doesn't think he's a good enough person to deserve that kind of faith and trust.]

...I just....I don't want you to die. And everyone I care about - they always, always...die in front of me.

[His voice breaks a little as he admits that, and he finally looks up - his brown eyes full of deep seated pain as he stares Akira in the face, an old, still unhealed pain.]

...I'm so tired of being the only one who survives, Akira. I don't - I don't want to go through it again.

[bold thing to say indeed, but Akira has always been bold. his own chuckle rumbles lightly in the back of his throat, barely audible. and when Ichigo looks up, and he catches that brown gaze with his own. . .]

[. . .]

[a h]

[he can't refuse that look. he won't refuse that look]

I won't die here.

[he says that firmly, with every ounce of conviction he has. and then. . . he smiles again but this time his grin is playful]

Because if a Shinigami is telling me to stay alive, then who am I to say no?

[Despite everything, and his own turbulent, torn up feelings?

He laughs at the joke, because - that's right, isn't it? He's a shinigami, even without his powers or his Zanpakuto. It's an intrinsic part of what he is, and he's glad that he's partnered with someone who doesn't flinch away from him being something most people would worry about, in a game like this.]

That's right. Not like I can really do anything to you without my Zanpakuto, but....if you die here, I'll sure as hell find a way to make you regret it - I promise.

[It's like Akira's own confidence and assurance seeps into him, making him stronger in the long run. When he's near Akira, he almost feels like he's returning to the person he used to be - the person who felt so far off, a teenager who had fire and resisted things, even when the odds were fully against him.

Someone with dear friends at his side that he could trust, and...Maybe he's becoming that person again because he's gaining those people to trust again, even in this game that could take them away from him in an instant.

It feels....good.]

[Akira isn't a mind reader. he can't see into Ichigo's soul and pick up on the intricacies of those feelings. but that laugh? it chimes like a bell, pleasant to his ears, and lifts up his heart. that's the sort of expression Ichigo should always be wearing]

Ah? Is that a threat? Well, in that case, I'll just have to be careful.

[it's said lightly, with a hint of teasing. but that doesn't last long, because the mention of a Zanpakuto suddenly has Akira wondering. . .]

[he never really asked Ichigo much about his life back home, did he? he should change that. so they can get to know each other better, as partners]

Actually, while we're talking about shinigami-- [he shifts so he's seated cross-legged on the bed now] How did you become one? Back home.

Maybe, if you let it become one.

[He gives a sharp, happy grin - before giving a thoughtful look.]

I don't know how much I can tell you - a lot of it is wrapped up in memories I don't have anymore - but...

[He pauses, thinking things over and shifting to where it feels more comfortable to sit.]

...I think I was born one. I had a human body, but - I think one of my parents might have been one? I found out about it a lot later, but...I can't say for certain. The information's just...not there.

[He shrugs.]

Anyway, I only got powers once...someone...came into my room late at night, looking for a hollow. Because the hollow injured them - I...I think? - I...took on their powers, and it...woke up my own?

[He sounds much less sure, his expression wrinkling in confusion before he sighs and shakes his head.]

...Sorry. It's - pretty spotty when I try to think of anything related to other people.

[ah. . . of course. there's no way Ichigo would be able to recount a story like that one, if all of his memories of his important people were gone. for a moment, Akira looks apologetic]

Sorry about that. I know it's a personal question-- I didn't know it was tied to your lost memories.

[rubs the back of his neck, sheepish. and then changes course]

What's a hollow?

No, it's fine. I wish I could tell you it in more detail, but...

[He shrugs, a little helplessly - but he didn't take any offence at all. It's not like Akira would know that the whole thing was wrapped up in memories of other people.

But, he's glad he at least has something he can explain without any gaps in his memory, and he nods.]

A hollow is...well, it's a monster. But it's one that's created from a human soul.

In my world, souls are connected to their bodies by a chain of fate that attaches to them - and it's that chain that's broken when they die. I'd expect to see chains of fate here, really, but...I guess it's not the same for every world.

[He shrugs again, and continues.]

Anyway, the chain of fate just hangs there where it'd been cut - but eventually, if a soul spends too long in the living world, the chain begins to eat itself. When the chain is devoured away entirely...a hole remains where the chain once was, and a hollow gets born from it.

They're constantly feeling pain from the emptiness, so...they eat other souls in order to try and fill it. If they're strong enough, they'll even eat other hollows.

[CANNIBALISTIC GHOST MONSTERS.

Bleach is a weird canon.]

[holy shit, that's some stuff straight out of a horror movie for sure]

[but Akira is good at reading context clues, so he makes a couple of quick conclusions before asking]

As a shinigami, is it your job to fight those kinds of monsters?

We reap them.

[He winces a little - because it's an unfortunate thing to say, what with their current situation - but it's the truth.]

They're humans too - even if they're changed. The mask is to shield themselves from the world - their naked Id, is how someone described it to me - and Shinigami reap them by breaking that mask with their Zanpakuto.

But - They don't die. Because we break it, they can become whole again and go to the Soul Society, just like the other souls we send there.

[it's okay, he understands the many connotations of that word. and technically, Ichigo is a reaper? in. . . a different context. shinigamis aren't exactly reapers, but you know. close]

And the Soul Society is where all souls are supposed to gather after death, to avoid turning into monsters like hollows?

This afterlife must be throwing you for a loop, then.

[Ichigo nods at the question.]

Yeah. I never asked why, but souls don't become hollows once they're in Soul Society. They pretty much just live like normal people from what I've seen - though less modern and more like people from the meji era, I guess?

[But at the mention of the afterlife, he shrugs.]

Not really. I mean, in my world, there's the cycle of reincarnation, right? If this is standard in a bunch of worlds, it'd explain some things.

[another nod as Akira absorbs all of this. the soul society makes sense. . . don't most religions have concepts of heaven or hell, after all?]

It doesn't sound like this is a cycle of reincarnation, though. [he comments idly, tugging at his bangs as he does so] It sounds like we'll get a second chance. Return to life at the moment we died, or something similar.

....at the moment we died, huh.

[Ichigo goes quiet at that, eyes narrowing a little - and a shiver runs up his spine, remembering his body at the moment of his death.]

If that's the case...then I don't want it.

[It's quiet, but full of conviction.

But knowing that Akira probably won't want to hear this, he quickly switches topics.]

...Anyway, I think I get why you keep your bangs so long now - you like hiding your face, huh?

[uh, yeah. Akira was about ask about that, actually. but then he remembers what Ichigo said about his death (dismemberment, ritual homicide) and clicks his mouth shut. mmm. . . yeah.]

[it'd make sense that Ichigo wouldn't want to return to that. but if he was returned to life. . . then wouldn't he be returned whole? to maybe a point before his friends and family were killed?]

[mmmm]

[he swims along with the subject change, despite those thoughts]

Ah. You caught me. It's one of my very well-kept secrets.

Mmm. Kind of redundant though, isn't it?

[He reaches out and taps on Akira's lenses, smiling.]

If you wanted to hide your face, you shouldn't have gotten these. They make people pay attention to your eyes more.

[No, actually...

That's just Ichigo who pays attention more to Akira's eyes in those glasses, because -

Something about the black frames and those gray eyes just...draw him in.]

Anyway - enough about where I come from. What about you? What was your life?

[whoa, hello! that's his personal space. and Akira finds himself automatically reeling back as Ichigo's fingers tap against the glass of his lenses]

Hey. . . it's the Clark Kent effect. I'm like Superman, here.

[lol]

[he drops his joking tone to answer the question seriously, though]

It was-- well. . . [. . .] It started off pretty normally, all the way up until the day I was arrested for assault.

[oh]

Superman has more muscles, doesn't he?

[He's teasing, though - giving a grin before Akira gets more into his history, which...very quickly wipes the grin off his face.]

Assault?

[From the tone of his voice, it's obvious that he can barely believe that.]

No goddamn way. You were framed, right?

[that. . .]

[takes him by surprise. he hadn't even told Ichigo the rest of the story yet, and he's already assuming he was framed? there's no masking the way Akira's brows rise above his glasses]

. . . huh.

[huh]

Why do you assume I was framed?

[he was, but. that's beyond the point]

Because you're not the kind of person who could assault someone. Not unless it was on purpose.

[He waves a hand in the air.]

I've punched my fair share of muggers and shady assholes when I was alive - it'd all be considered 'assault', but beyond the faculty at my school treating me like crap, I've never had a record.

So...I just figured you got that because you were trying to help someone against some big shot, or...something.

[. . . . . . huh]

Who knows? I could be bad to the bone. A real violent delinquent on the inside.

[he's deflecting. truthfully. . . Ichigo's right, and he doesn't know how to feel about someone pegging him so accurately so quickly. without any shred of doubt]

[He laughs at that, shaking his head.]

Sorry, but I used to be one of those 'violent delinquents.' There's no way you're one.

[Ichigo is -

He's a lot of things, truthfully. But give him enough time with someone, and he'll be able to see through to their heart.

Akira has a good heart, that much is true - so much so that he feels guilty for even being partnered with him.

But that's something for another time.]

[hm]

You're right. I didn't assault anyone.

[ah]

I tried to stop a drunk man from attacking a woman. I touched his shoulder, he tripped, and was injured in the fall. He blamed the injury on me, and threatened the woman to back him up.

[. . .]

The courts didn't believe my story. So I was found guilty, and sentenced to one year of probation.

[but even if the punishment didn't involve jail time, the simple fact that he had a criminal record was enough to completely ruin him]

[In another time, another place?

He might have reacted with rage, with indignation - that someone could do that just for his own ego, to keep himself safe from his own concsequences and get away with it.

But now? He's heard so many things like that, seen the worst of people - that he just looks sad, slowly nodding his head.]

...That's pretty typical. People doing things like that to save themselves, not thinking about if it hurts anyone else.

[He looks...

So melancholy, for a moment.]

[the melancholy expression says a lot, Akira thinks. it's the expression of someone who knows too well what abuse of power looks like]

Yeah. It is.

[far more typical than he'd like]

Systems like that are corrupt. Those in power want to stay in power, so they'll gladly kick around anyone who gets in their way.

[there's no bitterness in his words, funnily enough. he just sounds like he's stating a universal truth]

[Week 1, Sunday: Ichigo]

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how do you put up with my slow ass

b/c ilu

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