[Week 2, Friday: Ichigo]

[purrtagonist]

[keeping himself composed enough to examine Clarke's body had been difficult but doable, but now that the investigation is behind them, now that the announcement has been made (four whole victims), Akira feels like he can let that mask slip just a little bit]

[juuuust a little bit]

[he's easily found in the live house, perched atop one of the beds. presumably Madara's corpse is gone now because otherwise this would be awkward. he doesn't have anything with which to occupy his hands, so he sits with them bracing himself from behind, gaze affixed at a random point in space]

[he looks lost in thought]

[and he looks fuckin' exhausted]

Comments

[bladeisme]

[Ichigo is a little late himself - Keeping a distraught man company while he goes through the loss of a loved one takes time - and when he comes back, he looks as tired and as worn as he did the first day he woke up here.

He walks over to Akira, sliding down to sit next to him, reaching out to touch his shoulder gently.]

...Hey.

[It's been one hell of an exhausting day for both of them, considering that they both had to look at a body and even watch someone else root around in said body's guts for evidence that made no goddamn sense.

The trial tomorrow was going to be bad.]

You alright?

[And yet, as always? He's more concerned with his partner than himself.]

[purrtagonist]

[the touch is what gets Akira's attention, snaps him out of his pensive stupor, gaze flickering up to Ichigo. it'd be so easy to say "yes," just as he always does. so easy to dismiss his own exhaustion so he could focus on other people. so many of them had been hurt today-- the four now Erased victims, the people who survived and loved them, and even Junko Enosmia-- and all of their pain felt so much more real and raw then his own]

[but when he looks up, and sees his own fatigue mirrored on Ichigo's features, he realizes. . . he can't]

Not really.

[but the answer is delivered with a forced, huffed laugh, an attempt at being flippant]

Are you?

[bladeisme]

Not in the slightest.

[He gives a mirthless laugh - as if he's trying to match Akira's attempt at being flippant - before shaking his head and leaning back a little.]

I don't think anyone is right now - not after what we all found.

[Four of their number are dead - and even with Assassin being able to pact with someone, someone extra will still die.

Knowing that...

With a gentle noise, he slides down a little - and ends up with his head on Akira's shoulder, feeling like he should probably move, but wanting to soak up just a little support from his partner.]

...If this bugs you, I'll move my head.

[purrtagonist]

[they had all thought Utena and Lion were bad. had all mourned those losses, which still felt extremely fresh. the four corpses of today are like a punch to the gut, a reminder of their helplessness against the reapers, and how that isn't going to change anytime soon]

It keeps getting worse.

[he continues quietly, and he shifts to face Ichigo fully-- only to have that moment interrupted by a warm weight settling against his shoulder]

[he stiffens. not because this is uncomfortable, per se, but because he wasn't expecting it]

[. . .]

[but maybe he should have. . .?]

. . . no. [he replies, and the tension seeps from his muscles like evaporating water] It doesn't. You're fine.

[bladeisme]

...It's got to end eventually, right?

[But he doesn't sound sure of himself - after all, he's seen first hand the evidence of their cruelty, and they have no idea how many Reapers are even left.

It's so tiring, and they have so much more to go. It's only the second week, yet he's already so tired - and that might have been why he let his head rest on Akira's shoulder...and was so relieved to hear that Akira was fine with it.]

...I hope sooner rather than later.

[purrtagonist]

And what happens when it does?

[it's not and accusatory question, but as much as Akira wants this nightmare to end, none of them really know what waits on the other side of this. beyond judgment and "only a handful" of them getting their second chance]

We still don't have any concrete answers, Ichigo.

[bladeisme]

[He opens his mouth for a moment, as if he wants to say something - before shutting it with a sharp click.

There's the 'only a handful' thing that he'd also heard - hell, he'd asked Max himself - but a part of him hoped it would actually be more than that, and that was just the Composer's way of seeing who was willing to kill for that second chance. Then again, he didn't know what criteria they were using to judge them, so....

In the end, he just sighs, and his voice sounds so very, very tired.]

...I know. I...just don't want to see people kill each other just for a chance at life that might not even be real.

[purrtagonist]

[he's quiet, but his words are strained, whispered through clenched teeth]

Do you think I do?

[he doesn't. he almost wishes he could go back to the days before all of this began, back when he believed no one here would fall so easily into the dance the Composer choreographed for them]

I hate. . . [a breath] Not having answers. That's all.

[his voice lowers even more, words barely audible]

. . . I hate not being able to stop any of this.

[bladeisme]

...I know.

[He's silent for a while, closing his eyes.]

...Me too. I never - wanted to be this powerless ever again.

[Because it reminds him of those 17 months he spent without his powers, knowing there were souls all around him that needed help...and that he couldn't see or help them anymore.

He can touch people here, but...it's nowhere near enough.]

[purrtagonist]

Neither did I.

[because this reminds Akira of his failure at the hands of Goro Akechi. of those few moments where he could do nothing but stare down the barrel of a gun and wait for his rival to pull that trigger]

And yet. . . here we are.