[Week 3, Monday: Maya]

[purrtagonist]

[eventually, Reaper business comes to a conclusion. not that there's much to talk about at this meeting, since it was just the three of them and Tenko. but afterwards, Akira disappears for about an hour, before he returns with a bag of dog stuff! a bone, a squeaky toy, and some doggo treats. time to spoil Tenko]

Maya? Are you still around?

Comments

[feytality]

[ she'll reach out for the hand in his lap to give it a little squeeze, if he gives it to her. ]

What happened?

[ she's quiet, letting him talk, because --- honestly, it's the least she can do. ]

[purrtagonist]

[he lets her take his hand, though he almost jumps in surprise when she does. after a moment? his hand curls around hers]

She called us cows meant for the slaughter.

[at the time? it felt so apt. they're villains. the bad guys against which the Players rally]

I went with Enoshima's plan because I was trying to ensure that Eleanor's death would be humane. Peaceful.

I was an idiot for believing I could stop Enoshima from being. . . [sets his jaw tightly] Needlessly cruel.

[feytality]

[ after the initial squeeze, she leaves her hand there -- so he can pull away or hang on, it's his choice. ]

It's not a bad thing to want to think the best in people, Akira -- Junko was the one who tricked you, yanno. This whole thing about being a Reaper --- that's the situation you've been forced into, one you're trying to make the best of. Junko..... well, Junko's the one who chose to be needlessly cruel.

[ .... ]

And it may have been even worse if you hadn't been there. So.... don't blame yourself.

[purrtagonist]

[he hangs on. his grip is loose, but he doesn't let go. and as he continues talking, he steadfastly doesn't look at Maya, even though he somehow manages to keep his tone level]

How can I not?

[Junko made the choice to be needlessly cruel, but he just watched. he watched as Eleanor burned, as she screamed, as she thrashed about. and he didn't try to save her, because. . .]

[because he was worried about getting caught]

She just-- she deserved better, she was so damn brave and fierce and the kind of person I'd admire the most. And I just. . . I just watched. I was livid, but I didn't. . . I didn't do anything.

[quietly]

And for the briefest of moments, I seriously considered Erasing Enoshima myself.

[feytality]

[ she stays quiet as he talks, hand still in his. ]

..... You know.... if you had, even if you had managed to save Eleanor and Junko had died --- what if she'd been found guilty for Junko's murder, as the person who was burned but survived? Then, she would have been killed in the same way during execution. What if Junko had had a backup plan, and she turned on you both? There's a lot of what ifs, Akira.

[ enough that he could drown in them. ]

[purrtagonist]

[enough what ifs to fill a canyon]

It isn't just the "what if" of the situation, Maya.

[although that is a huge part of it. his fingers tighten around hers, just a bit]

I'm not the kind of person who just watches someone die, without trying to help them.

Or at least, I thought. . . I wasn't.

[and that cognitive dissonance is what has been bothering him the most]

[feytality]

.... I know. But it isn't like you wanted to let her die. You're trapped in this role, like Junko was -- except Junko went out of her way to hurt people. You told me you admired Eleanor. What if she'd been a Reaper, and you'd been the one targeted? Do you think she'd still act the same way, with whatever she has on the line..?

[ time to enter akira's palace ]

It isn't as simple as good guys versus bad guys, you know. And you're not a bad person because you were forced into this.

[purrtagonist]

[he doesn't know what to say to that]

[he is a bad person. he's a bad person who, after nearly four weeks, still hasn't broken the chains that bind him to this role. who helped Terra kill Lion, and Junko kill Eleanor. who will probably, in the future, take a life himself]

[he presses the heel of his palm to his face again, and teeters to the side, until his forehead thunks up against Maya's shoulder]

[his breath hitches in his throat, and for a moment, he just. . . doesn't talk]

[feytality]

[ maya lets him, taking the opportunity to wrap her arms around him and pat his hair softly. ]

[ she's silent for a good few moments. ]

Hey, Akira? I need you to really remember this, no matter what happens. You're not a bad person. No matter how this Game pushes you -- it doesn't define you. The fact that you're still trying to push through, to protect the Players, despite your role -- it's evidence of that.

[ and you know how seriously she takes evidence, as an ace attorney character. ]

[purrtagonist]

[. . . it's still hard to believe. but when it comes from Maya-- from someone who was so kind to him from the very beginning, who then came back to support him and his fellow Reapers unconditionally-- he can almost see its truth]

[he winds up curling a bit closer to her, just for the contact, the warmth, the comfort. he doesn't say anything. not now. he's said all that he can. right now?]

[he needs a moment where he isn't the strong one]

[feytality]

Don't forget, okay?

[ but that's fine. she'll give him as long as she needs. it's the least she can do. ]

[purrtagonist]

. . . thank you.

[he mutters, voice muffled by the fabric of her shirt. but it's sincere. quiet, and earnest]

[feytality]

Any time, Joker.

[ well, limited to mondays, but the sentiment is there. ]

[purrtagonist]

Limited to Mondays?

[he understands the sentiment, but the joke is still there, as halfhearted as it is]

[feytality]

It gives you something to look forward to for the rest of the week.

[ ruffles his hair. ]

[purrtagonist]

[a gentle snort]

Because goodness knows we all need something to look forward to, here.

[feytality]

[ now she squishes his cheeks. ]

If once a week isn't enough for you... maybe I can train Tenko to deliver mail.

[ it's hard to tell if she's joking or not. ]

[purrtagonist]

[jpasoifjoa hey!!! he is making a face!! and his glasses are crooked on his features, now]

C-- carrier dog instead of carrier pigeons? That's innovative-- ack, hey. . .!

[feytality]

[ extra squishes!! then she lets go. ]

Of course, he might just slobber all over it.... but if you're really that desperate to see me, I guess you can tough it out, huh?

[purrtagonist]

[stretches his jaw a bit, giving her a bemused yet fond expression. her efforts have cheered him up. . . a little bit]

Somehow, I'll live.

[a beat]

Un-live? I'm still getting used to this.

[feytality]

I understand that it'll be very hard for you.

[ heh. ]

Sure, let's go with that, until you actually get to live again.

[purrtagonist]

[a light laugh]

Technically, I won't get to live again.

[ah. . .]

Reaper for life, you know?

[sure, he knows he can continue his life in Tokyo as normal. that's what he did, immediately upon becoming a Reaper. but it's different now than it was before, isn't it?]

[feytality]

Still counts! You can't go into the RG right now, so I'm counting it.

[purrtagonist]

. . . fair enough.

[and if he gets Erased, he'll likely never be able to return to the RG again, huh?]

[. . .]

I left behind some pretty important people, you know?

[feytality]

So you don't want to keep them waiting, yeah?

[ nudges his arm gently. ]

[purrtagonist]

[nudges back, just as gently]

No. Of course I don't.

[even if he managed to return to them, to gain his revenge on Goro Akechi, to steal the hearts of humanity and reform society. . . they're still counting on him. and he can't let them down]

[feytality]

So! We're gonna get you through this, one Monday at a time. Okay?

[ and also with carrier puppy. ]

[purrtagonist]

. . . all right.

[god. what would he be doing right now if it weren't for people like Maya? people like Undine?]

I can take things one Monday at a time.

[feytality]

Tenko and I are cheering you on! [ i just want you to know gmail tried to link your tag to google calendars. ]

[ she picks up tenko and attempts to boop akira on the nose with his paw -- it doesn't work because tenko's wriggling around and trying to lick both her hands and akira's face. ]

... well, he's more licking you on, but the sentiment's still there.

[purrtagonist]

[gmail wanted to remind you to tag me back obvs]

[and while the booping doesn't work, Tenko does get a good lick on Akira's cheek. some slobber gets on the lenses of his glasses, too. gross]

I'll take it, either way.

[feytality]

[ gmail said i should tag you back on monday. .... anyway, akira's glasses are gross now, just like the rest of him. ]

[ maya claps his paws together. ]

Well, we both believe in you!

[purrtagonist]

[hey excuse you that's rude]

[his smile softens a bit, fond and grateful]

I don't really know what we'd do without you, you know?

[feytality]

[ true. ]

Well, it's the least I can do.

[purrtagonist]

Well, it isn't like anyone else is interested in looking out for us.

[especially not after. . . that. trial. and that murder]

[feytality]

That's why I've gotta work extra hard! To make up for it.