Akira "chaotic extra" Kurusu [Jᴏᴋᴇʀ] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
purrtagonist) wrote2018-03-29 07:33 pm
purrtagonist) wrote2018-03-29 07:33 pm
Entry tags:
[Week 3, Thursday: Ichigo]
[the abandoned bowling alley is graciously empty at this time of night. no Players, no shadow people, nothing but Ichgio recovering from his near week-long bender. which is perfect for Akira]
[wherever Ichigo is sitting, Akira comes to stand next to him, hip leaning against the back of the chair. he reaches out to ruffle his red hair, and if Ichigo looks up, he'll find that Akira's expression is. . . peaceful]
What's up, partner?
. . . mind if I steal your evening?
[wherever Ichigo is sitting, Akira comes to stand next to him, hip leaning against the back of the chair. he reaches out to ruffle his red hair, and if Ichigo looks up, he'll find that Akira's expression is. . . peaceful]
What's up, partner?
. . . mind if I steal your evening?
no subject
It's more comfort than he can express in words.]
...I lost count. Maybe it's been months, years...I don't know anymore. Time really doesn't mean anything to me anymore.
[he leans into the touch, still seeking that comfort in a point where he's the most vulnerable, purposefully stripping away everything he kept inside of himself because it hurt too much to hold onto anymore.]
I haven't - I haven't talked to someone like this in a long, long time. I - there's been no one. Most Reapers tend not to last long where I come from - they're either taken out by noise or other Reapers, so...after the first few times, I learned not to even try to get to know them.
....It hurts less that way. If I don't get to know them, I'll never care about them. And then...they can't hurt me when they die.
['The last people who got too close to me died, you know.'
He wasn't just talking about when he was alive.]
no subject
[it might be harsh to point it out, but honestly? it's true, isn't it? Ichigo may be keeping his distance to protect his heart, but loneliness isn't something anyone can fight alone]
. . . you deserve better than that, Ichigo.
no subject
[He brings up his hand to pull Akira's hand onto his face fully, obviously doing it for the connection and sensation of another human being that he trusts after so long of being alone.]
...For a long time, I just lived to get strong enough to Erase my Composer - to save the souls that would be a part of his horrible Games. To give them a decent shot at a second chance, and not have kill each other to get there. Once that's over, I...
[He trails off, looking away - and it's probably easy to figure out what would have ended that sentence.]
no subject
[he lets out a light tch. no. Ichigo deserved better. way better than just living to kill a shitty Composer, expecting to die himself shortly aftewards]
I know what loneliness feels like.
[this. . . might sound like a non-sequitur. but it isn't. he wants Ichigo to understand that he himself has been there. perhaps not nearly as badly as Ichigo the Reaper, but. . .]
. . . it feels like you're drowning in darkness. Constantly falling, without anyone to grab you and pull you to safety. It's crushing.
[crushing, suffocating, like deafening silence]
I can-- say this, now that I know we're both Reapers. [it'd be way more complicated if Ichigo had actually been a Player] But I don't want you to drown in that darkness.
If you need some light to guide you back home, then let that light be me.
[just as Akira's light had been Ryuji]
no subject
He knows what it's like - for Ichigo, it was more like lying at the bottom of the ocean, but the crushing weight and pain being talked about is all too familiar. And Akira offering to help him, to bring him out of that?
It was like looking up from that bottom and seeing someone beginning to break his chains.
For the first time in a long while - he lets himself feel hope again.]
....Akira....
[He looks into Akira's eyes - those stormy gray irises that he likes more than he'd care to admit - his expression softening and his eyebrows lifting from that permanent furrow, his own eyes having a light in them that Akira might have seen only once, when he was drunk, right before he kissed him.
It's the look of someone who's realized he's deeply in love, and is letting himself drink in the sight of his beloved person like they're the only thing that matters in the world.
Because, right now? That's the truth.]
....That's...really cheesy, you know. Doesn't your name have the kanji for 'light' in it?
[Even the attempt at a joke doesn't make him stop looking at Akira in his absolutely lovestruck way, genuinely smiling at him.]
....Thank you. I'll...take you up on your offer, so...be prepared, alright?
no subject
[he only remembers to do so after he realizes he's been staring for a few seconds too long]
[with a huff, he pulls away, gaze flickering up, and he pushes his glasses further up his features to hide the faint dusting of pink on his features]
Of course.
[compose yourself]
I wouldn't make the offer if I weren't prepared.
no subject
That might be a good sign - but he won't push it. Whatever Akira decides is his own decision, and Ichigo will respect it. No matter if it's a rejection or an acceptance.
...Even though he knows he shouldn't get his hopes up.]
Mm. Right.
[He keeps looking for just a little while longer, wanting to stay - before he sighs and starts looking at the door.]
So...I guess for now, this is goodbye. I'll meet up with you again after our meeting on Monday?
no subject
We don't really have to wait that long to meet up again.
[even if they pretend to be ON THE ROCKS in public, they can still hang out otherwise. right?]
[. . . unless Ichigo really didn't want to see him until Monday, which. was fine. but also kind of disheartening]
no subject
[He scratches the back of his head, a little sheepishly.]
It's not like I don't want to, but....if I'm going to do this right and not mess up, I'll have to stay away from you.
[Honestly, he didn't want to be away that long, either. But there were other things he had to think about, like his bad lying. And also -]
...Plus, in order to keep myself from saying too much and sliping up...I was going to get drunk over 'you dumping me' or something.
no subject
I feel like I should be concerned over how much you drink.
no subject
[He's not fine, it's a shitty coping mechanism.]
It's not like it can hurt me any - I'm a Reaper, so all I get is drunk with no ill side effects. It's not like they're going to give us a bar after this week again, so - why not, right?
[He needs an intervention, honestly?]
no subject
[it's the fact that he copes like this at all???]
no subject
I'm not an alcoholic, if that's what you're saying.
[He is totally an alcoholic in the 'uses it as a bad coping mechanism' way.]
It's a good way to act like an idiot and hide suspicion, is all.
[Yet, maybe, he doth protest too much...?]
...Anyway, it's not like I asked Max for alcohol or anything before this week, so you don't have to worry.
no subject
[he's. just saying]
Just. . . moderate yourself.
no subject
[He doesn't say anything to that statement, and instead just looks away.
He does know he has a problem, but...What other options did he have?]
Yeah. So...I'll see you around, Akira.
[His wings vanish, and he quickly leaves the area, not looking back.]
no subject
[. . .]
[he makes a mental note to bring this up again at a later date]