[He's silent for a moment, considering what to say. Everything that Akira has said the way he's acted...
It's all pointed to one thing - That Akira has been part of a much gentler Game, most likely with a much, much gentler Composer running the show. Which is good - he's happy there are some composers out there without hardened hearts or downright sadistic - but his own experiences have been...
Well...
Traumatic, to say the least.]
...A lot like this, actually.
[He takes his time, slowly going over each word before continuing.]
Not where Reapers were pitted against the players in teams, but...People killing others isn't unusual. And especially...a Reaper erasing Players by their own hands.
[He looks down at his own again, flexing them.]
I've done...a lot of things. I've been screamed at in fear and hatred, cursed at, attacked...I had to learn to survive on my own, because no Reaper would help the other. Especially not when that was actively discouraged by our Composer, who was more than happy to run cruel games for 'experimental data.'
....Remember when I told you about the cycle of souls, in my world? The Games were a way of determining who goes on to be reincarnated in the Living world, and who breaks down into spirit particles to keep the whole system running. There's no second chances - just rebirth or true death. But despite that...none of them deserve a killing game. Or a Game where endless waves of Noise assault them, or a game where they have to vote on who dies next...
[His eyes seem far away, lost in his own horrible memories and the pain that he'd felt, looking so still and quiet and alone.]
You learn to shut it out. Stop getting attached, to both the Players and your fellow Reapers. You learn to kill your own emotions and stop fighting against the system, because nothing changes and you get punished for trying to rebel, never Erased because the Composer and the Conductor like seeing you struggle.
...And you learn to kill the pain with whatever's at hand, until you can't feel anything anymore.
no subject
[He's silent for a moment, considering what to say. Everything that Akira has said the way he's acted...
It's all pointed to one thing - That Akira has been part of a much gentler Game, most likely with a much, much gentler Composer running the show. Which is good - he's happy there are some composers out there without hardened hearts or downright sadistic - but his own experiences have been...
Well...
Traumatic, to say the least.]
...A lot like this, actually.
[He takes his time, slowly going over each word before continuing.]
Not where Reapers were pitted against the players in teams, but...People killing others isn't unusual. And especially...a Reaper erasing Players by their own hands.
[He looks down at his own again, flexing them.]
I've done...a lot of things. I've been screamed at in fear and hatred, cursed at, attacked...I had to learn to survive on my own, because no Reaper would help the other. Especially not when that was actively discouraged by our Composer, who was more than happy to run cruel games for 'experimental data.'
....Remember when I told you about the cycle of souls, in my world? The Games were a way of determining who goes on to be reincarnated in the Living world, and who breaks down into spirit particles to keep the whole system running. There's no second chances - just rebirth or true death. But despite that...none of them deserve a killing game. Or a Game where endless waves of Noise assault them, or a game where they have to vote on who dies next...
[His eyes seem far away, lost in his own horrible memories and the pain that he'd felt, looking so still and quiet and alone.]
You learn to shut it out. Stop getting attached, to both the Players and your fellow Reapers. You learn to kill your own emotions and stop fighting against the system, because nothing changes and you get punished for trying to rebel, never Erased because the Composer and the Conductor like seeing you struggle.
...And you learn to kill the pain with whatever's at hand, until you can't feel anything anymore.