purrtagonist | [Week 4, Sunday: Yusuke]

[Yusuke searches high and low for his leader once the trial ends, and really, the arcade is somewhere he'd expect to find Kaiba more than Akira. But his search brings him there eventually, and there's a harried, distraught expression on his face as he approaches.]

... Akira.

[He has no idea what to say next. "I was looking for you" is self-explanatory, "are you okay" also has an obvious answer.]

[honestly, Akira does feel somewhat bad for just. . . vanishing like that. it isn't like him. but hey, then again? stabbing someone in the heart with a butterfly knife isn't like him, either]

[and yet. . .]

[he hears Yusuke's footsteps before his voice, and looks up just in time to see his name fall from his teammate's lips]

Ah-- [that expression? that expression is absolutely no good]

I'm sorry.

[an immediate apology as he rubs the back of his neck]

Did I worry you?

[If Yusuke was more inclined to being tactile, he might have hugged Akira on sight. As it is, he just clasps his hands anxiously in front of him, still unsure of what to do with himself.]

You don't have to apologise. I'm sure you needed some time to yourself...

[but yes, he was worried :( ]

[Akira, being the people reader that he is, can see that anxiety in the way Yusuke wrings his hands together. he's respectful of personal space, but also. . . in the past few weeks, physical comfort has absolutely been something he's been relying on himself. and isn't Yusuke one of the people here he trusts the most?]

[. . . he steps forward, slides am arm around Yusuke's shoulders, and pulls him in for a one-armed hug. it's okay. Leader's got this]

I'm okay.

[as. okay as he can be, after. . . well. that]

Thanks. For saying something.

[Yusuke looks uncertain, tense. But it's Akira, so he soon relaxes into it, returning the hug with both arms, even if the gesture is a bit awkward and unfamiliar to him.]

It... was silly to think she would listen to me, after how she treated me before. But I couldn't sit by and do nothing...

[He still wishes he could have done more. He could protect Makoto, so why couldn't he protect Akira?]

[it's only because of that awkward unfamiliarity that Akira eventually pulls back, even though his hand continues to rest on Yusuke's shoulder for a few seconds more before it drops away]

After how she and her partner framed you before, you mean?

[. . . right, okay, there may be something a little bitter in his tone there. he's still angry about that, even if in the end, he garnered no pleasure from seeing Chuuya dead nor taking Caren's life]

[especially not from taking Caren's life]

[the hand in his pocket-- the one used to stab Caren through the heart-- flexes in and out of a fist slowly]

Yusuke-- [. . .] I think I know why she asked for me.

Yes, precisely. She was unrepentant, even when confronted about it.

[When Akira pulls back, Yusuke looks a little less tense, though still anxious as he tucks a strand of hair behind his ear.]

What do you think the reason could be...?

[Akira rests his hip against the Dragon's Lair machine, and holds out his chocolate milk bottle towards Yusuke. take iiiit]

She thought I was the one who killed Chuuya. That's why.

[it had been one big call out. and from Akira's perspective. . . that was obvious]

I thought that might be her reasoning... But I hoped there would be more to it. You'd never do something like that.

[blinks... at the chocolate milk for a moment, before taking it and having a small sip]

. . . you're right, in that I didn't kill him.

[hm. this milk sure doesn't taste like chocolate milk]

[it sure tastes like]

[coffee? hidden in a chocolate milk bottle?]

[hm]

Are you implying you did something else to him?

[Yusuke looks surprised after he takes a drink, and sniffs the bottle.] Is this coffee? Where did you get it?

[waves. . . a hand]

I made it. Remember that cafe you opened all those weeks ago? I stole a coffee maker and some beans so I could brew some whenever I wanted.

I thought you didn't like coffee any longer? [Offers it back to Akira, looking increasingly perplexed.]

[he accepts the return of milk bottle of coffee easily, lifting it to his own lips for a swig. his response is delayed because of this, gaze flickering away to affix on the ceiling]

That's what I've been telling people when they ask what my entry fee is.

. . . I'm sorry. I might've-- [lifts his free hand-- the one used to stab Caren, evident by the stains framing his blazer sleeve-- and holds his thumb and forefinger together mere millimeters apart] -- told a little lie.

["little"]

[spoilers it's not little]

[Yusuke's not sure how to feel about that piece of information, and it shows in his bewildered expression. Hurt? Angry? Akira has never lied to him before, not even a white lie, and that honesty set them all apart from the deceitful adults they'd resisted.

But he takes a deep breath, forcing himself not to allow those hurt feelings to get the better of him.]

Then, what is your fee? Do you have one?

[truthfully. . . Akira doesn't like lying, either. it isn't in character for him at all. after months of struggling against manipulative adults, of having to tuck his true self away to put on a facade that would be acceptable to society as a whole, lying just doesn't feel. . . right. especially not towards his thieves. towards the people who had given him a place to belong]

[these past few weeks, the necessity for that lack of honesty, even towards the people he would trust with his very life, have been killing him]

[he swirls his coffee around in the bottle, and tries not to think about the obvious hurt in Yusuke's voice]

No.

I don't.

Haha... That's funny.

[Yusuke looks away from Akira, down at his own hands, balling into fists, and there's nothing truly mirthful about his laughter at all.]

Even after awakening to Goemon's voice, maybe I haven't changed after all. I'm still just a foolish child who willingly blinds himself to the truth, even when it's right under my nose. Part of me had already figured it out, but still...

[He wanted to believe in Akira more than anything. He still does. His voice is starting to tremble--]

Why did you keep the truth from me?

[there's something wry in Akira's next words]

And even after awakening to Arsene's, I'm still chained and bound by rules and expectations I can't escape. [a prisoner, still trapped in that tiny cell in the Velvet Room] Some thief huh?

[on the bright side ("bright side"), Akira has been bracing himself for this moment for weeks now. from the moment he woke up here, only to see that Makoto and Yusuke had somehow followed, he knew this time would eventually come. even so?]

[it's tough to shake off the disappointment of someone so vitally central to one's life. but it can't be helped, can it? he only has himself to blame for the sharp ache that suddenly yanks at his heart. he is their leader. he is supposed to be reliable. he isn't supposed to be like. . . this]

[his grip tightens around the milk bottle, knuckles white]

I didnt want to. I wanted to tell you and Makoto the moment I saw you guys were here. It's just that I couldn't. Not without risking my own Erasure.

[and, naturally, Ichigo's as well. which was far more of a deciding factor than Akira's own life]

[There's nothing funny about this at all, really. Mostly, Yusuke simply feels heartbroken, that things had to come to this. And under it... Angry, at the Composer. He can't begrudge Akira's actions, if he was being coerced into all of this as much as the rest of them.]

And what about now? Aren't you taking that same risk, or has something changed?

The Game has changed.

[and finally, he pushes away from the machine on which he was leaning, and tears his eyes away from the ceiling to put his full attention on Yusuke]

I have permission from the Composer, now. Not to mention some other people have already figured it out. And in addition to that, the more we learn about what the Composer wants out of this Game, the more important it becomes to actually communicate.

[he can still remember the Composer's words, echoing sharply in his head-- communication is vital for the success of this Game.]

It isn't just a matter of murder hide and seek anymore.

[Yusuke nods, still shaken, but with some of his usual resolve returning.]

What can I do to help? I feel like I've just been fumbling around in the dark, all these weeks, trying to survive and keep people safe. But I don't merely want to just survive. If there's a way that even a few people can be saved, we need to find it.

[ah. . .]

[there's a pause. a moment of surprise, when Yusuke offers his help. he's doing so willingly, even knowing who and what Akira is now?]

[. . .]

. . . I won't settle for "even a few," Yusuke.

[despite their conversation, despite the way Yusuke's heartbreak and disappointment still carve a hole in Akira's chest, that? that is said firmly, with every ounce of resolve and determination Yusuke has come to see in his leader. it's very. . . Joker.]

We are going to save everyone.

[he won't say "no matter what it takes," because that isn't quite true. but he's made up his mind; he'll fight for the survival of the Erased, no matter who opposes him]

Do you remember what I said to you and Makoto a few weeks ago? When I talked about how the right thing to do would be to draw this Game out to eight weeks, instead of ending it early?

[you maxed out their confidant!! he'll never stop believing in you, Akira, this isn't some P3 reverse social link shit]

I remember... Though I didn't truly understand what you meant at the time.

Is surviving for eight weeks truly possible, however? That would require the full cooperation of both Players and Reapers, to ensure the populations of both are not eliminated. And if the Composer keeps ordering Reapers to kill Players, and if Players erase Reapers in trials, then...

[also, you know, people killing themselves, which does not seem helpful in any way to either group]

[he was really worried about that confidant reversal!!]

Yeah. You're right. It would require cooperation.

[cooperation. communication. sacrifice]

And don't you feel like maybe. . . that's the point?

I don't know... You've communicated with the Composer at some point, yes? Is that the kind of impression they gave you, that a result like that is the kind of result they seek?

Because from the perspective of a Player... they seem heartless and barbaric. Cooperation is surely the last thing on their mind.

That was my perspective too, when I first got here. I had to ask several times before they finally decided to meet with me.

[he takes another swig from his milk-but-really-coffee bottle as he leans against the Dragon's Lair machine again. what he isn't saying is that for like a good two weeks, he was contemplating Composer murder]

But during that meeting, I think I finally understood what it is they're going for. It doesn't make any of this right-- in fact, I think it's extremely cruel.

But the Composer may be less responsible for this than we think.

Edited (phone tagging is bad ) 2018-04-10 16:42 (UTC)

[Yusuke crosses his arms, frowning.]

So... Are you suggesting that perhaps there are forces even larger than the Composer at play? That would be a rather bewildering notion...

Besides that, what is the Composer really like? I presume you can't tell me anything about their identity?

Mmm. Did you read the materials Makoto brought back form your adventure? They kind of hinted at something like that.

[that was honestly the implication Akira got from those books. his conclusions on same will definitely be included in Setz's Monday letter]

As for the Composer, I can't give you their name. But I can tell you they genuinely want the best for everyone here. There isn't anything they want more than for everyone to get their second chance-- the Erased included.

Also, they're kind of. . . [a beat] Out there.

Which must be a Composer thing, since mine is kind of like that, too.

Yes, I read them after I recovered. I recall mention of something about the Composer's actions being monitored. But who or what could be above even the Composer, I wonder...

[wait hold up]

"Yours" is like that? There is more than one Composer, for a single game?

. . . I actually don't know the answer to that, either. But I suspect Max may be affiliated with them.

[but, ah. . . right. Yusuke wouldn't know]

More like more than one Composer for more than one Game. They're played all over the universe, you know? Each world has their own version.

[Persona world's Game is much nicer :(]

Ah... Yes. You played the Game before, didn't you? What was that like?

[and he kind of hates to ask, but...]

Were any of the others there?

No. They weren't. It was just me.

[he says that apologetically. but now that they're on the subject, he supposes it's time to be truthful about other things, too. his voice is quiet]

I really did die in that interrogation room.

[he remembers that vividly. he remembers that crazed look in Akechi's eyes, and the bullet tearing through his skull]

But I woke up in the UG version of Tokyo afterwards. The Game back home was. . . I won't say it was all nice, but Repaers were there to support and guide us. They built tasks and puzzles for us to tackle, and summoned Noise for us to fight, like random encounters. They encouraged the Players to work together to reach our goals. If anything, they were like shinigami. Guides for the dead.

Their job wasn't to Erase us. It was to help us through our own little personal JRPG so we could win and return home.

[mmm. it wasn't perfect. but it was far less cruel than this]

. . . I won. And in the end, I decided I wanted to give back what was given to me. That's why I decided to become a Reaper in the first place. But knowing I had left you guys to fight our enemies alone, I couldn't abandon you.

So I went back, straight to the interrogation room, and fixed what went wrong.

I see... Then, that explains the disparity between what we remember, and what you experienced. You've gone through so much alone...

[Yusuke trails off, visibly upset. Certainly, it might have worked out in the end, but since then... things had come to this.]

Still, if you left the Game and returned to life, how was it you were pulled into this one? Surely, you already earned your right not to participate in another.

No. Not alone.

[hesitation, because the wounds of his deceit are still very fresh, but. he touches Yusuke's arm lightly, a show of camaraderie and support]

You guys were there for me. Maybe not during the Game, but afterwards. I remember so much about what happened after we deceived Akechi.

[they'll have to talk about that, too. since Akira was pretending to not remember anything post-interrogation]

Mmm. You're right; I did earn my right to not participate in another. But as much as I'm allowed to live my life normally, I'm always. . . ah. "On call," as it were. Do you remember what Junko said?

[. . . he makes a face. he and Junko were not on the best of terms]

This is a job. When I'm called into work, I have to go, no matter what.

Yes, I remember. But to offer you a second chance, only to risk being brought to trial and erased... It's so cruel.

[The touch is only a small one, but he offers him an appreciative look, nonetheless. It may have hurt, but he can't blame Akira for any of this... He can only try to help figure out the truth of how to put an end to it.]

Do you remember what happened in the weeks after we deceived Akechi?

. . . [Yusuke isn't wrong about it being cruel. this type of Game isn't at all what he signed up for when he agreed to become a Reaper. and his participation in this one is utterly involuntary]

[he gives a tired, hapless shrug, and focuses on answering the question]

I do. [another apologetic look; SORRY FOR LYING ABOUT CANON POINTS] I remember what happened after we disappeared from the public's cognition, too.

. . . and it's because I remember it that I can say this: you, Makoto and the others-- even though they aren't here-- will be just fine.

[yusuke just

stares at him, for a long while]

Everyone is... going to be all right...? [He doesn't even know how to process that kind of shock and relief, so he just. Falls to his knees.]

I... I'd wondered whether... if Makoto and I were to win, things would still be hopeless for us. The only thing that kept me going was my wish to help my partner and the others. But if things are really alright, then everyone...!

[give him a second to process the fact all their friends are not, in fact, dead??? this is A Lot]

[Akira immediately crouches next to him, touching his shoulder gently. it is in fact A Lot and also lying about this is just another reason to feel guilty, but for now? he focuses on Yusuke]

I'll ask you the same question I asked Makoto, the answer to which kept us all going long after the public stopped caring about us.

Since when did any of us ever give a damn about what others think?

[their justice-- the justice of the Phantom Thieves-- had all been very personal, hadn't it? personal, and perhaps a bit selfish, but only in that all of them believed in freeing the masses from the Holy Grail's control even when society itself wish to embrace it. fighting against that distortion to start a revolution and reform the masses. . . well. that is what they had been tying to do from the very beginning]

That's true. But to be reviled at the public at one turn, unwanted and forgotten at another... And then, in death, being treated like a killer... It was almost too much.

[Yusuke can pretend he doesn't care about others' opinions of him as much as he wants, but the fact of the matter is that it still affected him deeply. How could it not, when it's the very reason he's here to begin with?

He takes a deep, shuddering breath, hands balling into fists, staring at the ground.]

I'm so glad everyone is all right. All this time, I... I'd been grieving for them.

I understand.

[his grip on Yusuke's shoulder tightens into a gentle squeeze. his heart clenches in his chest. more guilt]

I'm so sorry for not telling you this earlier. I wanted to. I wanted to so badly.

[but, again. . . well. you know. being forced into a role in which he has to deceive his thieves really sucked??]

[Yusuke shakes his head, clasping Akira's hand and squeezing back. He looks up and meets Akira's gaze, eyes bright like he could cry with relief, but he won't. His own gaze is becoming firmer by the second; he's made up his mind.]

I'm sorry... I turned a blind eye to how you must have been suffering, so the fault lies with me, too. But as your friend and teammate, it won't happen again. [A little shaky, he nonetheless picks himself up, offering a hand for Akira to do the same.]

...Let's prevail in this Game, and save everyone.

[that's the kind of determination and resolve he likes to see in people. it brings a grin-- sharp, not quite Joker-ish, but leaning on the edges of being so-- to his features. he accepts Yusuke's hand without hesitation, hoisting himself to his feet]

Of course. And we won't fail, no matter what.

[Week 4, Sunday: Yusuke]

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