purrtagonist | [Week 4, Sunday: Makoto]

[she seems to accept that, at least for now.]

Alright.

[she accepts his promise, and pulls her hand back.]

... We only have to make it for a little bit longer.

Three more weeks.

[which doesn't seem like long when he says it aloud]

[but when compared to the five they've already lived through, it feels like an eternity]

... And then we'll go back.

[she pauses, and feels a little bit bad for asking but]

... Do you wonder if we'll go back together? Our deaths were different... What we remember is different.

[ah. now that's a question. one to which Akira has no answer. but he can say this]

When I won my first Game-- [right. this isn't his first Game. his first as a Reaper, yes. but not his first period] -- I was sent back to the interrogation room, moments before I died. From there, I was able to fix what I had done wrong. To outsmart Akechi before he got to me.

. . . I don't know how that's going to work, here. Not only were our deaths different, but I actually remember. . . what happened after.

[they disappear from the public's cognition, he means]

You've played this before.

[she says it matter of factly, a hint of surprise in her voice.]

... Akira.

[how much had he lied to them, and how much had they just... trusted it?]

Not this Game. Not this setup. And not under this Composer.

[he has lied about so much it's been awful. it's been terrible? he's hated every moment of it. but at least now. . . he can be honest. and that feels truer to himself than anything he's done over the past six weeks]

I really did die in that interrogation room, but I woke up afterwards in the UG of our world-- Tokyo. From there, I played in a Game to earn my second shot at life.

[a small shrug]

It was nothing like this one, though. The entire Game was just one big Palace run. We fought Noise, solved puzzles, and did our best to reach the end of the dungeon. Reapers supported and guided us along the way. They were. . . helpful.

[more than helpful. they were essential]

I won. And after I won, I was offered the chance to become a Reaper myself. After everything I went though, I wanted to. . . you know. Help people. Just like the Reapers had helped me. I wanted to guide people towards their second chance at living, and support them in their growth into stronger individuals.

So I became a Reaper. [another shrug!] But that didn't mean I had to abandon my life entirely. I returned home, fixed my mistakes with Akechi, and watched as the Phantom Thieves stole the world right out from the Holy Grail's nose.

[which was very, very satisfying]

[this... was more than she was expecting, when she asked the question. She just listens, still. She doesn't know what to say, now that she's heard what he's said, and it brings up the awful memories she'd experienced before... that he could have just assured her of at the beginning.

It would have given him away, but... were the composers and conductors really that honest?]

... Akira. I'm relieved to hear this, but-- you have to see how this is from my view. You could have told us this without revealing your role. We would have figured out your role, but...

[she worries at her lip, and then stands up, pacing, nervously.]

We weren't even close to the ones that found out what you were first. And now I know that you've made enemies-- and I'm worried about protecting you.

[she glances back at him]

Please, just tell me that we will get through this together.

[and that he still trusts them? As his co-conspirators.]

I already know what it looks like from your point of view.

[and honestly, if she were angry, if she were hurt, if it caused her confidence and trust in him to waver. . . it's not like he'd blame her. lying isn't becoming of a leader, of a phantom thief, of Joker. especially not towards someone so important to his life like Makoto]

[and he can say his hands were tied all he wants (and he isn't lying about that; they were tied), but. he doesn't really think that matters]

[but despite all of that, his response to her request for affirmation is firm]

Of course we're going to get through this together.

[funny, in hindsight, considering what happens almost one week after this conversation. but right now, he means it with all of his heart]

This coming week, I'm going to be just fine. It isn't myself I'm worried about as much as it is you guys.

I don't want you or Yusuke to do anything reckless in the name of protecting me.

You can't request that of us.

[she says firmly, almost... angry? Though her face doesn't betray anger so much as determination. She's hurt, she can't even hear the reassurance he's providing her because of it.]

You don't have the right to, not now. Not after all of this.

After fighting the grail, after struggling so hard, now is the time you're worried about our lives? About our recklessness?

Ma--

[that takes him off guard, although one second after it does, he realizes it probably shouldn't. of course she's going to feel that way. of course all of the thieves aren't going to feel that way. they're the ones who followed him into the depths of the Metaverse and back, aren't they?]

[. . . he's lucky]

[he huffs out a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand]

Truthfully, I'm always worried about your lives.

[that's a fact. but as much as he worries about them, he trusts in their capabilities, too]

But you're right. I don't have a right to ask that of you. And I do believe in your strength.

[he'd never doubt it]

Akira...

[she pauses, and then finally turns to face him]

You will never stop me from being reckless. Ever. [she made herself a customer of Kaneshiro's bank for them. And she still would have done absolutely nothing differently.

Just, she wishes the feelings were as strong as she remembered. But, if they can make it to the end... she'll get that back.]

Will you continue being a reaper after this?

[a small, huffed laugh]

If that's the case, then the least we can do is be reckless together, right?

[which is how things should've been, from the very beginning. at her question, his hands dip into his pockets, gaze flickering up]

Yeah. I will. Not in Games like this one, though.

[but this Game, as cruel and horrible as it was, as different as it was from the Games he was used to back home, didn't change the reasons he became a Reaper in the first place]

I took this job because I wanted to help people. I still think that I can. Though-- [and back to her, head tilted] Being a Reaper doesn't mean you guys are going to be rid of me.

[HE HAS A SWEET DEAL. live his best life in the RG, phantom thieves at his side, while only occasionally being called away to work in the UG. it's good]

[she doesn't know how she feels about that, and he should be able to tell in how schooled her face is. Finally, she folds her arms across her chest, deciding that... perhaps that is something to be measured for another time? But..]

... Hmm.

[but it's likely he won't get her explicit approval. she moves to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.]

Then... the others... Ann, Haru, Ryuji, Morgana...

[he can sense that, but she's right. perhaps that's a conversation for another day. although she should know that he's the type of person who doesn't change his mind once he makes a decision]

[but he does rock back on one heel, kicking at the ground idly]

They'll be okay. [he reassures her, just as he did Yusuke] When we return home, they'll all be there, waiting for us.

...

[she exhales, and then sums up what the totality of her feelings were]

I wish you'd tried to tell us before, but... We're close to the end, and it may somehow work out for the best.

[he tilts his chin up, determined. . .!]

I think it will. We'll all fight to make sure that it does.

[he hesitates]

[. . . and then he reaches out towards her, fingers extended]

I'm sorry. For everything.

[since he hasn't actually apologized yet]

[that was nice to hear, though she still felt... at least a little unsettled, her eyes locked on him. Then, she moves to sit next to him again.]

... I'm not the only one you'll need to apologize to.

[she doesn't even realize that she'll be getting another apology from him in a few days, for something entirely different.]

I know.

[HE OWES SO MANY. SO MANY. . . so. . . many. . . and after the weekend, he will never feel like he can apologize enough]

You have to tell Yusuke. Directly.

[don't use the oblique hints, basically. She isn't sure if... anyone besides the girls would figure them out, bless the boys.]

[. . . SHE'S RIGHT. and he can't help but huff in response]

Extremely directly, without room for doubt or uncertainties.

[which he does, but then fails to really clear up what the expectations of him as a Reaper are, which leads to awkwardness?? THIS WHOLE THING IS AWKWARD]

Don't worry, though. I'm not going to leave him in the dark any longer, either.

[SHE ONLY FOLLOWED YOU GUYS FOR A MONTH. SHE KNOWS ALREADY. She isn't... useless...]

Please make sure that you don't. We agreed to follow you, trust has... always been important.

[now it's her turn to lean back into the couch, not sure where to start]

[SHE HAS NEVER BEEN USELESS?? she knows the team just a well as Akira does, if not better!!]

[he tilts his head, because he senses she is going somewhere with this. and he'll let her, wherever it ends up, because he wants to know how his deception has made her feel]

It has been.

[a thoughtful pause]

And still is.

[SHE'S TORN BETWEEN TWO SEPARATE EMOTIONS, and honestly this is complicating every single gy conversation she's having. Because in this one moment, she doesn't feel prepared to talk about it frankly.

She's second guessing her feelings, just like she has ever since the first trial. So, after a brief pause, long enough to let the current topic feel dropped:]

... So, we defeat the grail.

[A-Akira Kurusu, making things complicated]

[. . .]

[he doesn't like that she drops the topic, but he knows better than to push. he's always been the type who preferred people come to him on their own accord, after all]

Mmm. We do.

[he'll answer that instead]

Turns out, we're pretty unstoppable when you put all of us together.

[the most unfortunate decision Makoto has made this game...]

It explains why you seemed so calm at the beginning. I thought that was just you're natural disposition, but now...

[Week 4, Sunday: Makoto]

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