Akira "chaotic extra" Kurusu [Jᴏᴋᴇʀ] (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
purrtagonist) wrote2018-04-13 10:01 pm
purrtagonist) wrote2018-04-13 10:01 pm
Entry tags:
[Week 5, Friday: Lenka]
[Lenka is one of the few people Akira seeks out, even when the wounds of what happened today are still fresh. he's carrying a piece of paper, folded up, with him]
. . . Lenka.
. . . Lenka.
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[It's probably a blessing that Aragami don't really have expressions.
His rumble is a little deeper than usual. But that's all. He comes up quietly, looking over Akira as though checking that he's all in one piece. That's nonsensical. But it's a post-investigation thing, maybe.]
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Ichigo left me something before he died.
[ah]
I want to-- share it. With you.
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[Lenka hadn't moved at all, until Akira moved, and then all in one movement he's up next to him, tucking his nose over his shoulder. Stays like that for a moment, up close, before he lifts his head again. He does want to see the note, too.
He just needed a second.]
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[it's long]
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Akira... What happens to Erased Reapers?
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[he's a little new at this; if anything different happens? he doesn't know about it]
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[He tries not to sound too hopeful. Doesn't quite make it.]
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[it's an assumption. but he doesn't think it's a false one. why wouldn't Reapers also come back, if they managed to save the Erased?]
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Ichigo's letter.
[He'd talked specifically to the Players. That had jumped out. Lenka grits his teeth -- it's funny, because everything is alternating between cold numbness and... and anger. White-hot, unpredictable. None of it makes sense. Of course Ichigo would do this. All of this.
He really would like to just reach over to the Erased and swat at him with a paw, since he can't punch him in this form.]
I'm not going to let him do this. I'm going to drag him back and -- and let him know. [his voice shakes, just a little, before it steadies again] ... We're going to need to figure out what to do, tomorrow.
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[Akira can't help it. for all his grief, for all of his own fury, there's something about what Lenka says that makes him laugh. there's no humor in it; it's wry and strained, if anything. but he tries]
Damn right we are. Both of us, even if he's kicking and screaming the entire way.
[it. . . it's at least comforting, for him, that they can both say that firmly and mean every word of it]
[he folds the letter up, and slips it into his pocket]
I don't know if what Ichigo surmised is correct, per se. [he doesn't] But it's like I told you before.
Whatever happens tomorrow will be the Players' choice.
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I know. But, Akira... You don't have a Partner.
[And Makoto is gone. The only one that's left without a Partner now is...
This is what scares Lenka the most right now, more than how quickly their numbers are dwindling, more than the way Ichigo died, more than anything he has to face right now. If he lost the pair of them in one weekend he... he's going to lean his head harder against Akira, sorry if he almost pushes you over at this rate.]
Do you have a plan?
[He manages to make it sound like a real question somehow, not just panicking. He's doing good.]
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I planned for my own survival all week. [. . .] Maybe that was what I did wrong.
[too much focus on himself. on his own life. not enough focus on the lives of those around them. a glaring, painful mistake. one unfit of a leader, who should be looking out for his team first]
[but that is neither here nor there]
[he reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a partner pin]
. . . this is part of what protected me this week. It was a get out of jail free card, that saved me from being targeted.
That's why-- [Makoto and Ichigo were targeted, he thinks. he swallows, and quickly looks away]
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[Lenka lets out a long breath at the sight of the pin. Part relief, and then a lot of other things, tangled together.]
It's one of the hardest things to do. It makes you feel like you're throwing things away. People. But... we're a team. All of us, in this Game. That means that whoever is leading needs to be the one to carry everything forward. You know what I'm saying, right?
[Sometimes, nonsensically, you have to run away to protect people.
Sometimes leaders have to adjust the balance between looking out for themselves and looking out for their teammates. Because there are far less people you can protect, if you're dead. He'd had to make that choice more than once: stay, and stand together no matter what? Or walk away, and survive to protect everyone? Because the longer you live, the more people you can protect.
It's an impossible balance, sometimes.
But you still have to do it.]
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I'm-- [it isn't as though Akira is unfamiliar with that logic. he's a leader back home, in charge of battle tactics and Phantom Thief strategy. but even if his thieves left all of the important decisions to him. . . even if he had learned to keep a firm eye on his thieves to make sure none of them were pushing himself too hard. . . the only reason he could lead is because his team was there to back him up. because they trusted and believed in him to make the right choice]
[does he have that, here?]
[quietly]
I'm not a leader here, Lenka.
[he doesn't feel like one]
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[It's said almost gently, like a reminder.
Reaper: Inevitable, invisible, indispensable. Akira might not be a leader in name, but he is in the very concept of him, at this moment -- if the current Reapers must live, then they are the ones who will remain constant through the Game. They are the way forward. The Players may make their own choices, when it comes down to it, but not all of them will live to bear it out.
You can only pass on what's left of yourself in a place like this; and there must always be someone to carry it on.
That's the kind of teamwork they're capable of, right now.]
The king is protected. Because the king is the end of the Game.
[He hasn't played very much chess in his life, but he's watched some matches, during downtimes, and the flow of the Game is very much like this. And the king may not have many moves; but the board still moves around him.]
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[his hand curls into a fist, knuckles white]
Even if I had died, there's still one Reaper in my group left. They could have kept the Game going for you.
[why is he arguing this. . .? his worth. his necessity. he spent the first few weeks wanting to end the game quickly, then the next few weeks trying to survive to keep it going, and now. . . now, he feels like his usefulness has come to an end]
[maybe that's why what Magnus said at the trial hit him so hard]
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Sometimes that means enumerating them, carving reasons out of the loss and figuring out what shape you can bear.
Sometimes, as now, reasons aren't quite enough. In that case...]
Yes. Undine would still be here. She's just as important to the Game. [and a lot of what he would do for Akira, he would do for her as well; but] But Akira. I don't want you to die.
[It comes out almost matter-of-fact. That's just the unvarnished truth of the matter, perhaps a little selfishly: he's not interested in giving up another person important to him. Not ever, but especially not now.
He'll put together strategies, cajole people with whatever is necessary, push as far as they all can go. But the point of it all is much simpler.]