[Day 12, afternoon: Will]

[purrtagonist]

['sup, Will. you, too, are treated to the sight of an injured kid wheeling himself through the hallways with a coffee maker in his lap]

. . . Graham.

Comments

[theyregooddogs]

Better. Not helpful, but that's a start.

. . . He's not willing to kill for you anymore. At least, he wasn't when I talked to him.

[purrtagonist]

[EXHALES DEEPLY. . .]

. . . I'd be more relieved if I didn't think that was because he's mad at me.

[that's a TERRIBLE way to put things, Akira]

[theyregooddogs]

His anger is healthy. What he wants and what he is going to receive aren't matching up, so he's responding emotionally then he will learn how to reconcile those two.

We wouldn't be worried if a toddler was upset they couldn't have a cookie. Why be worried about Akechi in a similar position?

[purrtagonist]

[with a bit of heat in his words, fully defensive]

Because Akechi isn't a toddler.

[theyregooddogs]

How so?

[purrtagonist]

Because he's--

[breathes in sharply, lifting a hand to tug at his bangs, eyes slipping shut. he suddenly hurts all over again, the dull pain from his injuries radiating across his back]

. . . he's not just angry.

He's afraid.

[theyregooddogs]

He is. He's afraid that he can't establish any meaningful relationship with people, that he is defective, that behaving honestly will cause others to leave him.

To continue with the toddler metaphor, after a tantrum, toddlers seek comfort from the very person that upset them. They need assurance that their misbehavior does not mean they are no longer loved.

Right now, there is a power imbalance between you two. Because you are the parent and he is the toddler. Until he's able to assess you and your relationship with him on equal and stable footing, you need to show not only compassion for him but also cultivate who he becomes. It requires a level of maturity that I don't think you have, because age is not just a number. It's an accumulation of experiences.

With no insult intended, you are a teenager, Akira. You can only manage so much.

[purrtagonist]

[quietly, but with frustration]

. . . that's why I'm asking for your help.

[theyregooddogs]

Let him be angry. Let him assume some power. And stop expecting the worst of him. Between the two of you, I would bet on his resiliency more than your ability to adapt.

[purrtagonist]

[a sharp exhale]

I don't want to expect the worse of him.

But you're the one who asked me if I had a plan in place for when he killed.

[theyregooddogs]

No, I was asking if you had any plan at all for him. To see if you dedicated any conscious thought or effort to him in order to actually help him.

And you hadn't and you still haven't to a degree. I'm not sure how much of that I want to give to ignorance and how much to give to neglect.

1/2

[purrtagonist]

[another frustrated noise]

I've been trying to help him since day one. . .!

[purrtagonist]

[but he clicks his mouth shut soon after, because yelling is not very good for someone with a back injury]

. . .

Thanks. . . for the advice.

[theyregooddogs]

[slight shrug, hands in his pockets, still as impassive as ever. so, yelling doesn't effect him, i guess??]

You have time. Think about what you want for him then think about how to get there. First part is all yours, but the second I can help with.

[purrtagonist]

[it was mostly a display of exhausted frustration. he looks better than he did yesterday, but no matter how he pushes himself, he's still tired]

At this point. . .

I just want him to find some shred of happiness. Of meaning in his life.

[theyregooddogs]

Something that isn't you, you mean?

[glancing down at akira, less than pleased but . . . ]

Are you really stealing the coffee maker?

[purrtagonist]

No. That's not what I mean. My offer to-- be his friend was genuine. Which means being there for him, through good and bad.

[just, also. he knows he can't be the only thing Akechi leans on. because he knows what he's like]

[gives the coffee maker a good pat]

And yes. I am.

[theyregooddogs]

So, two shreds, then.

Not that many others here deserve it, but I don't actually enjoy the instant coffee.

[purrtagonist]

Nobody actually enjoys instant coffee.

[said blandly]

[theyregooddogs]

Yet you're stealing the coffee machine.

[purrtagonist]

My false associations of comfort. Remember?

[theyregooddogs]

[hmmmmmmph]

Fine.

[purrtagonist]

[a snort]

If you want me to make you some, I will.

[theyregooddogs]

I want to make my own coffee, actually.

[purrtagonist]

. . .

[glances down at the coffee maker in his lap tho :(]

I'll let you borrow it.