purrtagonist | [Week 4, Sunday: Makoto]

A code might have helped.

[she tilts her head.]

But, please, don't forget you can lean on myself, and Yusuke. You had to take on both of our feelings at the beginning. I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep fighting, especially after I realized my price, but... Now I know I do. And it's thanks to you, Akira.

So... that said, we have to protect the reapers.

Sure. I could've called myself a Beeper.

[HE ACTUALLY DOESN'T THINK A CODE WOULD'VE HELPED, but. what she says next gets his smile to soften]

. . . and I'm glad that you've been able to rely on me. [still wants to, despite this revelation] I'll rely on you and Yusuke in return. I promise.

[except when it comes to being an accomplice for murders, I guess]

[except for that yeah. it's fine, it't fiiiiine.]

No, I think... Terra's death made me realize my assumptions about the reapers were wrong.

[she exhales]

Akira... I need to know, though... As a reaper, have you... [a pause, and then she makes sure to focus her gaze on him] Have you erased anyone? Or been a part of an erasure?

[. . . now that's a question, isn't it?]

[. . .]

Caren was the first person I've Erased with my own two hands, ever.

[been a part of, however. . . he's deliberately not looking away from her when he answers, knowing that he doesn't have a right to be ashamed of the things he has done]

I was there for-- Lion, Eleanor, and Chuuya, though.

[it's one she'll probably have to make use of, if she's to understand what's going on. She purses her lips at the response, clearly not pleased to hear that.

But also... it makes Caren's request make... a lot more sense.]

... Akira...

[sure does, doesn't it? not just a call out to his nature as a Reaper, but. . . a deliberate attempt to yank him out of the shadows and force him into action he was trying to avoid taking before]

[it sucked]

[he gives a very small, barely perceptible shrugs, not really sure what else he can say about this admission. other than--]

I'm not proud.

I know... But we don't have much to be proud of, either.

[an exhale.]

It's not like we've managed to break the basic structure of the game from our end.

Edited 2018-04-17 04:45 (UTC)

And we've tried.

[he finally looks away, if only to stare at the ceiling while he searches for his words]

. . . the first thing I said when I got here was that I would never Erase anyone. I wouldn't. I couldn't. It went against everything I stood for-- every code we put in place as thieves to keep us in check-- and I didn't want to compromise who I was for the sake of winning.

[. . .]

It started with Terra, I guess. He volunteered to go first. But I could tell he wanted to do this just as much as I did. So in that moment, I decided that even if I wouldn't Erase anyone, then I would at least do my best to keep the other Reapers-- like Terra-- alive.

[and that's how accomplice Akira was born]

[she listens, and when he finishes, she reaches her hand out to his, squeezing gently. She doesn't know what to say, or how much of the feeling she has is her own, or her justice being forgotten. She just feels... a little empty hearing that.

She can only imagine, if that's her feeling, what his is.]

Akira... Please... Make sure you stay safe. I'm certain that if that was Caren's small revenge... there might be a larger one coming.

[she isn't the only one who feels empty. Akira has felt that way since the very beginning. since. . . Terra and Lion, really]

I can't die.

[he can't. he believes that. while he doesn't think his life is any more important than anyone else's here, he does think he needs to be careful. he does think he needs to survive. he thinks he needs to live, in order to extend the Game to the time limit, in order to do whatever needs to be done to save the Erased]

So no matter who I am, or what I've done, I'll keep fighting to survive.

[he twists his hand to grab hers in return, squeezing just as tightly]

I promise.

[she seems to accept that, at least for now.]

Alright.

[she accepts his promise, and pulls her hand back.]

... We only have to make it for a little bit longer.

Three more weeks.

[which doesn't seem like long when he says it aloud]

[but when compared to the five they've already lived through, it feels like an eternity]

... And then we'll go back.

[she pauses, and feels a little bit bad for asking but]

... Do you wonder if we'll go back together? Our deaths were different... What we remember is different.

[ah. now that's a question. one to which Akira has no answer. but he can say this]

When I won my first Game-- [right. this isn't his first Game. his first as a Reaper, yes. but not his first period] -- I was sent back to the interrogation room, moments before I died. From there, I was able to fix what I had done wrong. To outsmart Akechi before he got to me.

. . . I don't know how that's going to work, here. Not only were our deaths different, but I actually remember. . . what happened after.

[they disappear from the public's cognition, he means]

You've played this before.

[she says it matter of factly, a hint of surprise in her voice.]

... Akira.

[how much had he lied to them, and how much had they just... trusted it?]

Not this Game. Not this setup. And not under this Composer.

[he has lied about so much it's been awful. it's been terrible? he's hated every moment of it. but at least now. . . he can be honest. and that feels truer to himself than anything he's done over the past six weeks]

I really did die in that interrogation room, but I woke up afterwards in the UG of our world-- Tokyo. From there, I played in a Game to earn my second shot at life.

[a small shrug]

It was nothing like this one, though. The entire Game was just one big Palace run. We fought Noise, solved puzzles, and did our best to reach the end of the dungeon. Reapers supported and guided us along the way. They were. . . helpful.

[more than helpful. they were essential]

I won. And after I won, I was offered the chance to become a Reaper myself. After everything I went though, I wanted to. . . you know. Help people. Just like the Reapers had helped me. I wanted to guide people towards their second chance at living, and support them in their growth into stronger individuals.

So I became a Reaper. [another shrug!] But that didn't mean I had to abandon my life entirely. I returned home, fixed my mistakes with Akechi, and watched as the Phantom Thieves stole the world right out from the Holy Grail's nose.

[which was very, very satisfying]

[this... was more than she was expecting, when she asked the question. She just listens, still. She doesn't know what to say, now that she's heard what he's said, and it brings up the awful memories she'd experienced before... that he could have just assured her of at the beginning.

It would have given him away, but... were the composers and conductors really that honest?]

... Akira. I'm relieved to hear this, but-- you have to see how this is from my view. You could have told us this without revealing your role. We would have figured out your role, but...

[she worries at her lip, and then stands up, pacing, nervously.]

We weren't even close to the ones that found out what you were first. And now I know that you've made enemies-- and I'm worried about protecting you.

[she glances back at him]

Please, just tell me that we will get through this together.

[and that he still trusts them? As his co-conspirators.]

I already know what it looks like from your point of view.

[and honestly, if she were angry, if she were hurt, if it caused her confidence and trust in him to waver. . . it's not like he'd blame her. lying isn't becoming of a leader, of a phantom thief, of Joker. especially not towards someone so important to his life like Makoto]

[and he can say his hands were tied all he wants (and he isn't lying about that; they were tied), but. he doesn't really think that matters]

[but despite all of that, his response to her request for affirmation is firm]

Of course we're going to get through this together.

[funny, in hindsight, considering what happens almost one week after this conversation. but right now, he means it with all of his heart]

This coming week, I'm going to be just fine. It isn't myself I'm worried about as much as it is you guys.

I don't want you or Yusuke to do anything reckless in the name of protecting me.

You can't request that of us.

[she says firmly, almost... angry? Though her face doesn't betray anger so much as determination. She's hurt, she can't even hear the reassurance he's providing her because of it.]

You don't have the right to, not now. Not after all of this.

After fighting the grail, after struggling so hard, now is the time you're worried about our lives? About our recklessness?

Ma--

[that takes him off guard, although one second after it does, he realizes it probably shouldn't. of course she's going to feel that way. of course all of the thieves aren't going to feel that way. they're the ones who followed him into the depths of the Metaverse and back, aren't they?]

[. . . he's lucky]

[he huffs out a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand]

Truthfully, I'm always worried about your lives.

[that's a fact. but as much as he worries about them, he trusts in their capabilities, too]

But you're right. I don't have a right to ask that of you. And I do believe in your strength.

[he'd never doubt it]

Akira...

[she pauses, and then finally turns to face him]

You will never stop me from being reckless. Ever. [she made herself a customer of Kaneshiro's bank for them. And she still would have done absolutely nothing differently.

Just, she wishes the feelings were as strong as she remembered. But, if they can make it to the end... she'll get that back.]

Will you continue being a reaper after this?

[a small, huffed laugh]

If that's the case, then the least we can do is be reckless together, right?

[which is how things should've been, from the very beginning. at her question, his hands dip into his pockets, gaze flickering up]

Yeah. I will. Not in Games like this one, though.

[but this Game, as cruel and horrible as it was, as different as it was from the Games he was used to back home, didn't change the reasons he became a Reaper in the first place]

I took this job because I wanted to help people. I still think that I can. Though-- [and back to her, head tilted] Being a Reaper doesn't mean you guys are going to be rid of me.

[HE HAS A SWEET DEAL. live his best life in the RG, phantom thieves at his side, while only occasionally being called away to work in the UG. it's good]

[she doesn't know how she feels about that, and he should be able to tell in how schooled her face is. Finally, she folds her arms across her chest, deciding that... perhaps that is something to be measured for another time? But..]

... Hmm.

[but it's likely he won't get her explicit approval. she moves to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.]

Then... the others... Ann, Haru, Ryuji, Morgana...

[he can sense that, but she's right. perhaps that's a conversation for another day. although she should know that he's the type of person who doesn't change his mind once he makes a decision]

[but he does rock back on one heel, kicking at the ground idly]

They'll be okay. [he reassures her, just as he did Yusuke] When we return home, they'll all be there, waiting for us.

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