[Day 12, afternoon: Will]

[purrtagonist]

['sup, Will. you, too, are treated to the sight of an injured kid wheeling himself through the hallways with a coffee maker in his lap]

. . . Graham.

Comments

[theyregooddogs]

[rubbing his face with his hands before eventually dragging them down, sighing]

Because I don't pay that close attention to who you talk to. It was an insult, not a fact.

[purrtagonist]

[. . . oh]

[a soft snort, surprisingly understanding for being told he was insulted]

. . . not exactly an ineffective one.

[he admits, somewhat blandly]

[theyregooddogs]

Give me time to get warmed up, and I'll start drawing blood.

[he hopes]

Why? Why are you coming to me with the right answer after the fact? Are you trying to impress to a now accepted authority figure, Akira?

[purrtagonist]

[taken aback by that, and he immediately makes a face]

I don't really consider you an authority figure. . .

[also, gross, trying to impress authority figures!]

I thought-- I'm going to try to talk to Akechi myself, of course. But I thought you could try, too.

He trusts you.

[theyregooddogs]

I'm an adult and you're a teenager. That makes me an authority figure to you, technically speaking, even if you don't acknowledge it.

What do you want me to say to him?

[purrtagonist]

Age is just a number.

[cheeky kid, isn't he]

. . . nothing specific. I'm going to say everything I want to say to him, anyway.

I just want him to have another friend at his side, that's all.

[theyregooddogs]

Tell that to your unconscious mind.

[considering akira before going on, glancing off]

Tell me something about Akechi that doesn't have to do with his circumstances.

[purrtagonist]

My unconscious. . .

[squints at Will, but he goes along with the subject change]

. . . he hates spicy food, and prefers his coffee with sugar.

[theyregooddogs]

Shallow but appropriate for an off the cuff question. Try again.

[purrtagonist]

[pauses]

He reads German philosophy. Hegel, specifically. He runs a food blog back home, although I always kind of got the feeling he did it more for show than anything else. He enjoys rock climbing and cycling, too.

He worries a lot about how the world-- how people-- perceive him. As such he finds it very difficult to show people his true face.

Why are you asking?

[theyregooddogs]

I'm testing you to see what you will do and in turn what I will do.

What's his true face?

[purrtagonist]

[. . .]

Akechi's secrets are his own to reveal. If he hasn't shown it to you yet, then I can't say.

[theyregooddogs]

Better. Not helpful, but that's a start.

. . . He's not willing to kill for you anymore. At least, he wasn't when I talked to him.

[purrtagonist]

[EXHALES DEEPLY. . .]

. . . I'd be more relieved if I didn't think that was because he's mad at me.

[that's a TERRIBLE way to put things, Akira]

[theyregooddogs]

His anger is healthy. What he wants and what he is going to receive aren't matching up, so he's responding emotionally then he will learn how to reconcile those two.

We wouldn't be worried if a toddler was upset they couldn't have a cookie. Why be worried about Akechi in a similar position?

[purrtagonist]

[with a bit of heat in his words, fully defensive]

Because Akechi isn't a toddler.

[theyregooddogs]

How so?

[purrtagonist]

Because he's--

[breathes in sharply, lifting a hand to tug at his bangs, eyes slipping shut. he suddenly hurts all over again, the dull pain from his injuries radiating across his back]

. . . he's not just angry.

He's afraid.

[theyregooddogs]

He is. He's afraid that he can't establish any meaningful relationship with people, that he is defective, that behaving honestly will cause others to leave him.

To continue with the toddler metaphor, after a tantrum, toddlers seek comfort from the very person that upset them. They need assurance that their misbehavior does not mean they are no longer loved.

Right now, there is a power imbalance between you two. Because you are the parent and he is the toddler. Until he's able to assess you and your relationship with him on equal and stable footing, you need to show not only compassion for him but also cultivate who he becomes. It requires a level of maturity that I don't think you have, because age is not just a number. It's an accumulation of experiences.

With no insult intended, you are a teenager, Akira. You can only manage so much.

[purrtagonist]

[quietly, but with frustration]

. . . that's why I'm asking for your help.

[theyregooddogs]

Let him be angry. Let him assume some power. And stop expecting the worst of him. Between the two of you, I would bet on his resiliency more than your ability to adapt.

[purrtagonist]

[a sharp exhale]

I don't want to expect the worse of him.

But you're the one who asked me if I had a plan in place for when he killed.

[theyregooddogs]

No, I was asking if you had any plan at all for him. To see if you dedicated any conscious thought or effort to him in order to actually help him.

And you hadn't and you still haven't to a degree. I'm not sure how much of that I want to give to ignorance and how much to give to neglect.

1/2

[purrtagonist]

[another frustrated noise]

I've been trying to help him since day one. . .!

[purrtagonist]

[but he clicks his mouth shut soon after, because yelling is not very good for someone with a back injury]

. . .

Thanks. . . for the advice.