purrtagonist | [Week 3, Thursday: Ichigo]

[yeah, that's. . . that's about what Akira expected. he rears back as soon as Ichigo bolts from his chair, stopped only by those hands on his shoulder, tight as vice grips that keep him from escaping]

[he knew this is what would happen. and that's why. . . he decided to say this now, instead of later. so Ichigo would have time to process everything]

Please. . . calm down, Ichigo.

[despite his partner's evident distress, Akira remains composed. as always]

I don't know for certain. I can't know for certain. But I--

[nnnngh]

[he drops his hands on Ichigo's, fingers running over his knuckles]

No matter what happens to me, I want you to keep going. I need you to keep going, do you understand me?

Bullshit!

[His hands tighten before shifting to grab the front of Akira's shirt, forcibly drawing him in closer, his eyes showing every tiny bit of the genuine anger and fear he's feeling right now.

Not for himself, but for Akira, for someone he dared let himself trust in so fully, even after everything that had happened -]

Tell me. Who the hell did you talk to that made you think that you were going to die?! Or what did they say?! I'm not going to - I'm not going to just stand here and tell you 'oh yeah, sure, I'll just pact with someone else and keep going like I didn't lose someone else important to me!'

[He's breathing hard, through clenched teeth - but also, more than that?

He's shaking.]

I'm not going to pact with anyone else! You think I'm scared of wanting to die?! I never wanted this in the first place! And I - I'm not going to just get off scott free when I couldn't fucking protect the people in front of me again!

[Akira goes willingly, doesn't fight or struggle against the hold Ichigo has on his shirt. he also doesn't look away, firmly meeting brown with gray, unyielding and fierce]

Ichigo.

[there's a certain tone Akira uses when he slips into leader mode. his voice become authoritative and deep, like it has the power to mow down mountains with its sheer force. that's the tone he's using right now, even as he reaches out, palms sliding past Ichigo's cheeks to grip his face firmly]

I know how you feel. If I were you, I'd feel the same way. And I promise, if it happens? I'm not going to just roll over and take it. If I die, then I'm going down swinging.

[that much is certain. he'll raise hell, if he has to]

But it's naive to think that the sheer force of my will is enough to keep me alive. [it wasn't with regards to Akechi] And I want you to live.

I need you to keep going. For my sake.

[The moment Akira touches his face, he stops yelling - even though he wants to, even though all he wants is to shake Akira and demand the truth, demand to learn whatever it is that has Akira so sure he's going to die -

But then he listens to that voice. Those words. The way he's so sure, so confident -

Ah

It's happening again

There's nothing he can do, can he -

Instead of the fury, instead of the fire he'd just seen, all the rage and concern? It just...fades.

His hand in Akira's shirt drops, and it's like the life just drains out of him, his eyes gaining a terrifying emptiness that he's never shown before - not even on the day he woke up here, screaming and terrified.

It's as if Akira's words just had him give up entirely.]

...I see.

[He tries to pull away, to go sit back on the chair he had before, to get away from this, from the person he trusts the most and yet apparently trusts him the least.

To just sit and prepare himself for his own death.]

[holy shit]

[and it's like he has the wind knocked out of him, something slamming right into his gut and rendering him completely and utterly breathless. his firm expression goes slack, eyes widening]

What? No, don't--

[fuck no. hasn't he dedicated the past few weeks to reigniting that spark in Ichigo's eyes? the last thing he wanted to do was to be the cold splash of water that doused it. this look. . . this look isn't good for his partner at all]

[this look is Akira's fault, for trying to head off something he felt, but wasn't completely sure, would happen]

[he clenches his jaw, and presses his hands more tightly around Ichigo's cheeks so he can't pull away. he keeps him close, studying his expression, mourning that loss of heat]

No, don't. Please don't. Fuck, Ichigo, this isn't what you. . .

[deserve? it isn't what he deserves at all. just like he didn't deserve to be partnered with someone like Akira]

[gently, Akira tilts forward, until their foreheads are pressed together]

. . . I'm sorry. I don't know what to do.

[Ichigo is silent for a long while, his eyes still empty, even as Akira presses their foreheads together - and from that position, he's able to get a good look at just how entirely he's given up just from his words and tone alone. That fire was doused so completely that it seems like it'll never flare up again.

It's a look of dull acceptance - and the gaze of someone who can't force themselves to keep going anymore.]

.....

[He stands there, quietly, before shutting his eyes.]

...Aren't we partners?

[His voice sounds so small, so torn apart, so utterly, bone achingly tired. And, most of all, hurt.]

...please. If you're not going to talk to me, then just....go.

But if you, don't ask me to live when you die. I can't.

[He sucks in a shuddering breath, tears welling in his eyes - even though he still looks as empty as ever, voice breaking as he finishes what he's saying.]

Not again.

[Akira swallows thickly, weighing heavily on several options. his silence is palatable, so thick it could be cut with a knife]

[he thinks back to the many conversations he had earlier that day (break week? more like Akira works his ass off week). he thinks back on his intel. he thinks back on his time with Ichigo, on every exhausted night spent hating this Game, on every promise they made, every secret they kept, and every lie Akira told]

[and he decides. . .]

Yeah. We are.

[quietly]

. . . listen. If my intel is correct. . .

You might be one of the few people who could save me.

[Ichigo pauses - and for the first time since Akira said the words that made him give up, a little life comes back into his eyes.]

....How?

[He doesn't stop to think about how Akira got any of this information, or what he's saying. All he knows - all he can cling to - is that he might be able to save Akira's life, and he instantly comes back, that fire and determination flaring back in him as he grabs Akira's shoulders with a sudden, frantic desperateness.]

How do I save you?!

[fucking hell]

[that determination and raw, honest desire to save his life is warm and brings butterflies to Akira's stomach. it's almost a little terrifying, how much Ichigo's desire to live is tied to Akira himself. that's something they're going to have to seriously address at a later time. but it's also. . . touching, to know that somehow, some way, he's managed to gain such a potent ally]

[but even so? he can't help but wonder if it'd be just as genuine if--]

My intel tells me that you're working closely with four others to find and Erase the-- Reapers.

Is that right?

[.....Ah.

His face goes from that frantic desperateness to something more...shocked, eyes widening as his breath just catches in his throat.

He can't - He can't. The rulebook on him seems to practically burn as he considers his next words, swallowing hard.

....He can't. If he speaks now, he'll end up jeopardizing everything - and even if Miki has a pin, he knows...Akira would never forgive himself for getting Ichigo killed.

So all he does is, after a moment?

He looks away, soundlessly.

And Akira should know what that means, after so long of getting to know him.]

[. . . truthfully? when Akira had asked that, he hadn't been sure. the person from which he got this information had only supposed it, had only made guesses based on their own information. but that look? that look?]

[Akira knows that look]

[which means he knows something else]

You're a Reaper.

[. . . he doesn't sound accusatory, or even upset, or. . . anything. just. stating a fact. and then, he squishes Ichigo's cheeks together with his palms]

Ask me how I know that.

[another smoosh]

And no, no one told me that the members of that group were Reapers. That's something I figured out on my own.

Ask me how.

[...Ah.

Somehow, he....doesn't feel so scared, now that the secret's out. Maybe it's because he's lied for so long, maybe because he'd been shaken to his core at Akira thinking he was going to die, at losing his last chance to protect someone he cared about -

Or maybe it's because, despite everything, he trusts Akira, with everything he has. He knew nothing would ever come of his feelings, knew that whatever happiness he could get from this was momentary and fleeting, but it's what made him grab on even harder to it.

His hands were coated in the blood of countless players, enough to increase his powers as a reaper - yet, Akira still looked at him with no judgement, which is more than he'd ever thought he'd get. These long weeks - they've been weeks of him wondering when he'll slip up, when it comes out, and bracing himself for the rejection of his partner -

And instead? it never happened.

And he feels more relieved than he has in a long, long time - a feeling of relief he hasn't had wash over him since before he died.

So he smiles, softly - a complicated smile, but one that's truly, fully open as his wings appear, flapping the air once.]

...How did you know?

[Even if this is the end, then -

He's still glad he met someone like Akira. Someone that makes him think of everyone he's lost, someone who he so desperately wants to make it out of this game alive, to get his second chance -

For the sake of everyone who he failed, and for Akira himself.]

[ah. . . there we go. the truth, on Ichigo's end, finally comes out. Akira pulls away, hands slipping from Ichigo's face, if only to admire the sleek-but-small black wings that now adorn his partner's back. huh. . .]

. . . small and refined. You've been at this for a while, haven't you?

[a small tilt of his head, the smallest ghost of a smile, that still doesn't quite reach his eyes. because someone here isn't quite out of the woods just yet]

The number of Reapers Max gave to the Players after the trial on Saturday was different than the number I knew.

[and now, he answers that question]

There were five more than what I expected, which only meant there could be two different groups. A second group that I didn't know about.

Hounds to go after the foxes, so to speak. Is that right?

['You've been at this for a while.'

The rest of what Akira says goes out the window, because -

There's only one way Akira could know that.

Only one way.

Everything comes slamming down on him instantly, and he lets out something that sounds almost like a mixture of a scream and a laugh, physically staggering back while his wings flap furiously.

Aaaaah, how long had he seen her smile at him, while she probably knew everything? Hadn't he learned that no composer was worth trusting, in his own Games?

So when he stops making that sound, he just - laughs, but it's something much more bitter than Akira's ever gotten to hear before.]

Fuck the Composer and her fucking game-

[He practically turns over on himself, not sure what he expected from all of this. He'd expected something - maybe an actual fucking end to his life, but to be so cruel as to pair two reapers against each other and make their lives dependent on the other?

That was cruelty on par with his own Composer, honestly.]

[Ichigo curls in on himself, and suddenly, there are two hands on his shoulders grasping him tightly. Ichigo loses it, but Akira? remains as calm as ever, even in the face of this meltdown]

[he doesn't know if he should be here. doesn't know if he's even welcome here anymore, with what Ichigo must know about him just from context. but he doesn't move away. he merely waits until that laughter dies down to echo, his own voice quiet, but laced with some bitterness of his own. every ounce of it he's hidden from prying eyes for these past four weeks]

. . . yeah.

Fuck this Game.

[He breathes in slowly as his laughter dies down, letting his thoughts still a bit. His wings flap slowly as he comes down, swallowing hard before speaking again.]

...Let's break it.

[He turns around, and in his eyes is - determination, of course, but something much more deadly, his killing intent practically radiating off of him as he stares Akira down. It's not aimed at his partner - Truly his partner, now, since everything's been revealed and the crux of this bullshit game lies bare - but more at the situation itself.

He chuckles, slowly.]

....Good timing. I was thinking about killing two of my 'teammates,' anyway. They were talking about offing players that 'got in the way', anyway.

[well. . . that determination is good. he's genuinely relieved to see the fire back in Ichigo's eyes. but that killing intent that flares up with it? lllless good. especially after a breakdown like that one]

Easy, tiger. Let's. . . talk, before you go around Erasing any teammates.

[he steps forward, hand sliding behind Ichigo's shoulders, across his back, so he can guide him to another chair]

Especially since I want to work with you guys. Not against you.

[Oh, that killing aura still stays - it's more that it's a part of Ichigo now, something he was actively suppressing for so long. The Aura of...well, a shinigami, perhaps. But it's also because he knows things Akira doesn't, and he shakes his head.]

That's why I said it. There's no way two of my teammates will ever want to help you guys. They've been practically gloating about being the ones who're winning.

[His wings flap, as if to underline his point, as he takes a seat at Akira's urging.]

The other two will probably be alright with working together, but...if those two don't get removed, they'd rather kill you instead of work with you. Trust me.

[. . . . .]

They aren't wrong.

[they are the ones winning. they've had the advantage all along, and Akira knows it. either way, once they reach the seating area again, Akira plops down, arms folded as he leans against the back of his chair]

They're two Reaper kills away from claiming a victory in this Game. Likely. . . to the detriment of the Players.

...You thought it was a sham too, huh.

[He notices that Akira tries not to talk about the killing he keeps alluding to, and he wonders how young Akira really is, Reaper-wise.

He'd ask to see Akira's wings, but - well, that's kind of rude, isn't it? His gaze is still that hard, killer's look, even as Akira tries to move the topic away.]

They are. We are, I guess - but there's no way I can hunt any of you down anymore. Not like this.

[Not when he knows that his life is tied to Akira's. And -]

And I Still wouldn't partner with Miki. I'd rather she partner with the partner of my teammate.

I knew this whole Game was a sham from the moment I arrived.

[he's been questioning every piece of it as much as he can. pestering Max for answers at every opportunity. asking about the Composer's motives, the reasoning behind the rules, which outcome is the best outcome. . . it's been a long four weeks, and Akira is exhausted]

[which probably isn't a surprise, considering he wore that exhaustion like a mask every single time he and Ichigo had moments alone together]

. . .

Before I keep going-- [and he will keep going. he wants to tell Ichigo everything he's learned]

[but before that]

[he leans forward, and gently flicks Ichigo's forehead, right between his eyes]

First off, calm down and stop looking like you're going to stab something.

[PLEASE]

Second. . .

[. . .]

Are you sure? If you defect, you might put a target on your back. You have your orders from the Composer.

Are you really willing to abandon them so easily?

[Ichigo, in direct contrast, has just been following the rules and not talking to either Max or anyone else, because...well. He'd assumed that they wouldn't listen or tell him anything important, just like back home. After all, why would anyone help disposable grunts? He was exhausted, not just from the stress of having to balance everything and lie, but just because being exhausted was his natural state of being at this point. He was continually running on empty, chasing after a goal that would result in him killing his composer to free the poor souls that made their way to the Games from the cruel killing Games they'd be forced into.

He gives Akira a look at the finger flick and the mention of his look, because-]

I'm a Shinigami, you know.

[And it's clear he doesn't mean it as the gentle ferriers and protectors he'd described before - it's clear he means it in the Death God sense, as Reapers were called that back home. It was always a moment of confusion for the shinigami from the world of the dead who ended up there, but - they could always become True shinigami if they survived the Game.

But he sighs and reins in his killing intent, his gaze softening a little and returning back to the familiar scowl Akira's seen time and time again.]

I'll die either way, right? They'll know you're a reaper soon enough - I'm not going to out you, by the way - and you'll have a week where we can't touch you. And I'm sure they'll want to talk to me first before deciding on anything. I can stall by asking to be the one to Erase you, or something.

[But he shrugs.]

I'm fine. I never knew them before this, and I tried not to get attached in case they were killed. Either way, I'm not going to make out of this game alive - and I'm sure that's what that my Composer was counting on, the sick bastard.

[He spits out the comment with venom, but...it might be seriously jarring to hear Ichigo so detached from the situation, talking about his potential death so cleanly while also talking about how he's willing to betray the people he's been working with for 4 weeks. It's a far cry from someone who burst out crying over Terra, that's for sure - but then again, Ichigo had just been keeping it all in, close to bursting yet unable to relieve the pressure until now.

He scrubs at his face with a hand, letting out a quiet 'tch.']

They'll probably be glad I'm not around to object when they talk about killing players.

Edited 2018-03-30 08:31 (UTC)

[. . . there's a lot to address, there. so many things Akira will come back to in a second, because one thing stands out starkly from the others]

Killing. . . Players? When they don't have to?

[because as far as Akira knew? his group was the one tasked with weekly Erasures. Ichigo's had more freedom; they didn't have to Erase someone every week, and if they chose to commit that crime? the only target they were tasked of disposing. . . were fellow Reapers]

[so why would they be talking about killing other Players?]

Yeah. Before we knew Ranpo was a reaper, those two I told you about before? They were suggesting we off him later because he was being 'annoying'.

[Honestly, he's wanted to talk to someone about this for a while. His teammates - well, the two, really - haven't been the best of people.]

I protested against it, and I just got made fun of. Even though I'm damn sure I've Erased more Players than the two of them combined.

[His voice drops into that bitter tone again, eyes flashing.]

But it's a lot easier to be ruthless instead of killing people for a reason.

[silence follows, Akira's gaze flickering down, brows knitted together. Ichigo isn't the first one to doubt that any attempts at communication with the other Reapers would be fruitless. the person who sent Akira to Ichigo had the same doubts, as did the Conductor and even Akira's Reaper partner. the knowledge that some of Ichigo's teammates talked so casually about killing Players because they were obnoxious is what finally makes Akira realize they may be right]

[. . . but even so, knowing what he does. . .]

The Monday after I found you guys, I asked the Conductor to send you a note. All it does is ask for a meeting. We'll. . . see.

[he just needs them to listen, and hope they want to save Players and the Erased as badly as Akira]

That aside, I think I know how to "break" this Game. But for that to happen, you need to stay alive.

Because I need to stay alive, too.

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