[Week 5, Monday: Maya]

[purrtagonist]

[he always comes find her after the Reaper meetings conclude. today? today is no different. especially since his mind is heavy, just as it was after what had happened with Eleanor]

. . . hey, Maya.

[he pauses]

Can I ask you a few questions?

Comments

[purrtagonist]

[he hates this]

[it kind of reminds him of how naive and unworldly he was as a Reaper back when this Game first began. back when people told him that his Game, as kind as it was, was an anomaly in this system. he feels himself getting angry on her behalf. he feels himself admiring that she didn't want to compromise who she was just to be alive again (and mentally reminds himself that he has compromised his ideals just to survive)]

[and when she looks away, he drops one of his hands on top of her shaking ones, quietly urging her to continue. quietly offering her his support]

[feytality]

[ she almost jerks her hand away when he touches it, eyes snapping up to him in surprise --- but she relaxes again, leaving her hand where it is. the shaking abates. ]

So, he broke the rules. He stopped the trial to challenge me one on one --- he wanted me to Erase him so that I'd take his place, so I could live. And, he thought that --- if I Erased him, I'd get my own revenge on him, that it could make up for him letting me die.

..... But that wasn't what I wanted, you know? I never wanted revenge. I never wanted him to get Erased, or for me to get my second life by Erasing him or anyone else. So, I said no. But he didn't give me a choice. He..... put my gun to his head--- I begged him to stop, but he didn't listen.

[ he can probably guess what happened. she takes a breath. ]

.... The truth is, my position.... I never wanted it. I still don't. But I couldn't not do it --- I couldn't let myself get Erased. Not after that.

[purrtagonist]

[. . . he can guess what happened, yeah. especially considering that this conversation is taking place in the wake of Caren basically doing the exact same thing to him. for different reasons, but. the effect is the same]

No.

[he understands]

It would've felt like. . . you were wasting the chance he gave you, right?

[. . .]

[even if the chance he gave her was one stuck as a Conductor for a series of Games she didn't believe in]

[feytality]

... Kinda, yeah.

[ she gives a wry, sad kinda smile. ] He wanted to die, too. He wanted me to be the one to Erase him -- like it'd erase the mistakes he made. But I don't believe in that. I didn't want to think like that. I wanted to live, even with the pain. ... Kinda live anyway, you know what I mean.

[ though uh there's past tense there so hm. yikes. ]

I do the best I can with what I have. But my hands are tied.

[purrtagonist]

I know what you mean.

[this is all very tragic]

And I know what it's like. . . to have one's hands tied.

Maybe one day, we can break free together, Maya.

[feytality]

Well you're going to back to your own Game, aren't you? So you don't need to break free.